Goatse virgin

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The Goatse Virgin is a person who has not yet been exposed to Goatse. However, the mass media of the early 21st century has rendered the classification virtually obsolete. Only blind three-year-old Mongolians now can be so classified.

History[edit]

The history of the GV (as it is normally known) follows that of the history of human media development:

In prehistoric times, a foolhardy hunter would occastionally wander from his tribe for longer than expected and would have to seek shelter in caves unfamiliar to him. It was in such caves that he would usually find an artistic impression of Goatse rendered in animal blood and plant extract. Soon his entire clan would be brought to the cave to experience the harrowing imagery, so that future generations would not fall foul of the real thing. Some clans even came to worship this icon, leading to the notion of Satan in Christianity.

The Chinese are credited with the invention of paper. One of the uses they put it to was the ritual warding off of Goatse. A set of skilled calligraphers would hand-paint the symbol of Goatse, with only one stroke per person drawn to avoid exposure to the full symbol. The person to complete the symbol would then wrap themselves in the inscribed paper and set it alight. It was due to these efforts that the power of Goatse was both reduced and strengthened. Reduced in the eyes of the Chinese whose culture assimilated the Goatse, but strengthened in those outside societies that were curious as to what the fuck the Chinese were up to.

The next step in the reduction of the population of the GV came with the invention of the mechanical press. Europe became awash with Goatse and gin was invented to try and dull the mental image of it in the minds of those exposed. Despite this, printers were oddly only persecuted if they failed to print both the giver and the receiver. A misprint meant certain death to anyone foolish enough not to print the full Goatse. It is believed that an unknown organisation deliberately wanted Goatse spread as wide as possible, and as accurately as possible.

With the digital age came the next incarnations of Goatse. At first, it was only rendered in ASCII on Bulletin Boards, which tamed its effect somewhat, but with the specification of JPEG settled, the first test image was inevitably a full Goatse. Soon every computer screen was blaring Goatse at us all; the "No Child Left Behind" Act was passed, with a specific provision that every child would receive a digital dose of Goatse before the age of six. A world without Goatse is unimaginable in its horror, but owing to various scientific theories including the Many Worlds Interpretation, we can assume that such an abomination does exist.