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The name Gold sounds too Jewish to me

~ Mel Gibson on Gold
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gold.

Gold is a very special type of wood. Gold is also the opposite of silver although, strangely, silver isn't the opposite of gold. It is owned by the Jews.

In the beginning the world was flat, but then someone struck gold. Ever since the world have been getting rounder and rounder. Gold is used to make jewelry, and has been for years. It has recently been changed from gold to bling bling by African Americans and it's a good bling combination with Diamonds, and hence, has been found to have new chemical properties among African Americans. When the gold is made into a chain and placed around the neck of an African American the mineral itself is absorbed due to the abundance of pigment. This absorption causes effects like: Lack of control of the part of the brain that effects speech, which has spawned rappers. A sixth sense to detect white women. And a complete loss of common sense. Some experts say that gold could in fact be parasitic, taking over the brain of the victom causing a drive to put on more "bling"