Grapefruit

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Grapefruit.

The grapefruit is the most delicious food ever created. It has been around since the year "Grapefruit" B.C., which occured between 14 and 15 A.D.

Origins[edit]

The grapefruit was originally created in the City of Grape in the year 15 A.D., through a cross between the pomelo and the orange. Reports claim that the fruit, when it matured, was so delicious, anarchy and riots soon ensued of people who wished the consume the fruit. This ultimately became the downfall of the city. A small piece of peel soon drifted ashore, and the fruit it came from was named after the city. This peel was soon found, and the fruit it came from was named after the city, leading to the name of "grapefruit." Eventually, this led to the year being named after the creation of this fruit, however nobody really knows why they decided to name it Grapefruit B.C., instead of Grapefruit A.D., since it was, in fact after... it was after whatever the D stands for.

Later, the grapefruit was recreated in a sealed environment by researchers at the University of Barbados, however, God ( possibly Buddha ) luckily noticed this time, and fixed the grapefruit so it's deliciousness was more manageable. Since then, it has been marketted for a wide variety of purposes, the most notable of which is consumption, however it has also been used as an anti-depressant, a re-depressant, a laxative, a thing that gets rid of blood clots, a cellular phone, and, on one occasion, as a Tamia Hill lookalike.

Controversy[edit]

Usually, upon eating a grapefruit, fruit noobs ( not to be confused with fruit loops ) often remark, "WTF is this bitter piece of crap?" This is because, to prevent the grapefruit from destroying humanity, had a total deliciousness value equal to an orange. However, the good taste was seperated into the pulp, and the bad taste was removed and evenly distributed among the peel, that little white skin in between sections, the leaves, the seeds, the bark, the roots, parts of the pulp, people standing nearby, and a variety of other objects near to the grapefruit.

Nutritional Properties[edit]

The grapefruit is very high in several important vitamins and minerals, such as Vitamin Awesome. A typical grapefruit contains 34 kilograms of Vitamin Awesome, which is remarkable, since a grapefruit usually once weighs about 6 ounces.

Varieties[edit]

Most grapefruits are yellowish on the outside and bright reddish pink on the inside. However occasionally grapefruits were found to be elongated, and yellow on both peel and fruit, later it was found out these were in fact bananas. In a few isolated incidents, grapefruits have been blue on the inside, but that was too cool for the fruit and it became egotistical. It had to be eaten simply to prove to it that it was only a fruit.

The samurai grapefruit is a more mobile version of the regular one, and is skilled at using katanas. However the U.N. decided in a 1994 hearing that "...a grapefruit weilding a katana is too badass. Being or using a grapefruit samurai will be considered a war crime."

Uses[edit]

Due to its high levels of flavour and 1337ness, it has been used effectively for a number of purposes. In the medieval ages, grapefruits were brought back from the future by powerful sorcerors and launched out of catapults. Modern day stealth bombers contain seeking grapefruit-tipped missiles, and the acid of the grapefruit has been used as a deadly close range weapon.

A martial art based around the grapefruit, known as "Gureepuhuruutsu-jutsu ( グレープフルーツ術 )" was founded in 1956. Waving a grapefruit around will cause the attacker to drop their guard as they laugh heartily, then the person weilding the grapefruit will squeeze it in a precise way to get grapefruit juice in the attacker's eyes, which incapacitates them.

Grapefruit can be used in pie, however this overloads the taste buds, making it taste rather bad.