“Sexiest damn things ever”
~ Dogs on Green Fairies
Green Fairies are found worldwide, in almost every habitat. The reason for this, according to many Scientitions, is that Green Fairies are exceptionally sexually voracious, reproducing even faster than bunnies or the Kennedys. They are also the largest of the fairies, with some reaching lengths of up to six metric inches! Green Fairies are easily harvested while in season, usually between March and October.
Green Fairies are generally considered to be the tastiest of the fairies, and also the most plentiful. Green Fairies have a mild, pleasant flavor with light hints of oak, walnut, and pencil shavings. Best when served warm.
Ingredients: Green Fairies, Butter, Salt, Lemon, Parsley
- Bring a pot of water to a rolling boil
- While the water is heating, prepare the fairies by removing the wings (set these aside) and any fairy clothes they may still be wearing. Cover the fairies with butter, and add a dash of salt. Set them aside.
- Once the water is boiling, you may add the fairies. While best results are usually achieved boiling the fairies live, some may be put off by their screams and pleas for mercy. To avoid this, either bang each fairy sharply against a countertop, or place a sharp knife between the antennae and shove it forward, killing it instantly. Fairies should remain in the pot for at least ten minutes, and no more than five minutes after any screaming stops.
- Serve with a slice of lemon, and garnish with parsley and wings. If you start feeling an urge to fly, think a happy thought. The thought of eating more fairies works. Afterwards, people may start having LSD-like hallucinations of flying. Yay!
It ha beens illegal to harvest more than 27 Green Fairies in a single day in Breat Britain since 2006, as in that year the damp Spring caused many of them to die of Green Fairy Fungus (Psilocybe Headfuckus) during the larval stage. However, numbers are increasing due to the work of conservationists, and restrictions may be lifted in the next few years.
It is traditional to eat a meal of Green Fairies after winning a Kitten hurling battle.
Seeing Green Fairies may cause a yearning for absinthe.
Green Fairies must be stored in a cool, dry place, else anal leakage may occur during consumption.
Green Fairies costumes surpassed Devil and Nurse, as the hot drunken girl's favourite dressing for costume partys.
"The Green Fairies" was actually the original name of "The Rolling Stones", who changed the name in 1966 when female groupies would convulse in laughter rather than disrobe backstage followig the band's performance. To this day, members Mick Mouse and Eddie Lee Roth still debate as to whether this was due to the band's unfortunate name or their green spandex costumes.