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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kalaallit Nunaat.
Flag of Greenland

Greenland is a tropical paradise located just west of the Mayan Riviera. It's name comes from the lush forest and open grassland that dominate the countryside. The capital city of Greenland is Nuuk. Greenland was discovered by Christopher Columbus, who got lost on his way to Aruba.

Due to Greenland's far-reaching grasslands and exceptional weather, Columbus settled down there in a small enclave along with several of his shipmates. Columbus called his home a "nook" due to it being in a secluded spot and Greenland's indigenous Eskimos transformed the word into their native Spanish word "Nuuk", which Columbus took as the name of the whole settlement and later became the name for Greenland's capital city. The name was actually misinterpreted by Columbus, as "nuke" is the Spanish word for "exit-strategy". Since Columbus misunderstood and did not leave, the native Eskimos carved boats from icebergs and sailed to New Mexico, which is where New Mexico's large population of Spanish-speaking Eskimos comes from.


Many of the most popular celebrities of the last decade originally come from Greenland, including ( but not limited to ):

  • Kalan Porter
  • Cher
  • Angelina Jolie
  • Guy Harris
  • Tom Green
  • Lorne Greene
  • Bobby Vitale ( not really a Greenlandic native, but its lawful citizen since 1998 )
  • Gumby
  • Benny Hill


Greenland was founded and colonized by a tribe of nomadic llamas in -56 b.c.. Christopher Columbus. however, is pissed, bigtime, believing that he colonized it, and after two thousand years of bloody war the avatar attacks the Christophers, and the llamas live in a month of peace. These llamas, however were attacked roughly a month after defeating the Christophers by several Jedi from Pluto ( at the time, it was a planet ). All but three of the Jedi die, and the survivors live off the bodies of the dead till late 2045, when the three of them decided to purify Jasperillium that they had brought with them from Pluto and grown near the core. They built an arsenal of almost six hundred and sixty six pimpin' Greenlandish nuclear bombs, and made the rest of the world pay them tribute until Denmarkday in the year 7893. The rest of the world nuked them and all jedi, unfortunately die after growing multiple extra limbs.


The bustling capital of Greenland.

Greenland technically owns Denmark, which is why maps often have "Denmark" written in small letters below its name. The Presidency of Greenland rotates weekly between the nation's three citizens.

Rumour has it that Greenland has a large nuclear arsenal, which is the primary reason that it is generally left alone. President Bush of the United States of America considered placing Greenland in the Axis of Evil list, but due to threats of an immediate and devastating attack, decided to reconsider. Greenland currently is threatening nuclear war with Canada over an uninhabited hunk of rock over which every other country in the world is entirely indifferent.


The most popular sport in Greenland has always been pinball. A pinball machine can be found in every home and it is not unusual to see them in public places too. The most famous pinball player of the island is Bill "the Silver Ball" Jacksons or Billy the Kid as he's sometimes refered to. Bill, or Billy, is only eight years old but has already won the pinball world championship four times.

Flora and Fauna[edit]

The Greenland Antarctic Rhinoceros

Greenland is populated with many lush plants and animals, most of which are pink and wear tutus when nobody is looking.

One of the more interesting inhabitants of this northern nation is the Arctic Rhino. Subsisting on a diet of lichen, moss, and T-Bone Steaks these wily creature are rarely seen by humans outside grill-restaurants. They are nocturnal ( meaning they rest quietly in the day and rest noisily at night ). Arctic Rhinos are not, however, endangered species, so it is basically open season year-round.

Poison ivy is the national plant of Greenland and is widely eaten in a variety of salads and cupcakes.

The true reason for Greenland's low population is the large numbers of highly carnivorous sugargliders.

Interesting Facts[edit]

It has been recently found that the 5th element Jasperillium can be found in Greenland. This element is bured under ground at a depth close to the core of the earth where it is nice and hot. Because of this, the heated Jasperillium gives off a significant radio signal. This radio signal excites the hormones of evolved forms of Charm Quarks ( which played a big part in the Creation of the Universe ). Today, those forms are known as humans. This is why humans are so horny in Greenland, and why it is the humans' main breeding ground.

Another curious fact is that Greenland isn't known in many other remote parts of the world. In Brazil, for instance, people are convinced that Greenland doesn't exist; to them, Greenland only appears in the strategy board game WAR ( very popular among Brazilians ) as a strategic obstacle making it harder to conquer North America if you are in Europe. This is the only real utility of this forgotten ( green ) land. The national sport of Greenland is pog.

Many evil geniuses and top secret organizations have bases in Greenland. This is due to the fact that no-one in the world actually cares about what happens in Greenland. Superman built his fortress of solitude in Greenland after getting sick of hearing Lois Lane's yapping all day long in Metropolis.

The societyjnivfjnkkmgfblocal charities caters for homeless native families and is called "I'm Sorry, I haven't Igloo".

Greenland was once settled by the evil alien race from Xerox in 2003. They started producing paper from the abundant trees in Greenland, and sold it at 10,000 sheet per 2 cents. After about a month of this however, they disappeared and are nowhere to be found.