H

From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about H.




Overview[edit]

Voted “Sexiest Letter 2003” by People Magazine, H is now one of the most popular letters, despite it’s dark past. H, which is often confused with J, is the letter of the alphabet that is most commonly associated with Japan. Most things that come out of Japan start with the letter H, including Hondas, hentai, and hella-tight video games. Hiroshima is also in Japan ( see below ).

History[edit]

The letter H was discovered chillin’ in the rec room with his homies. It was discovered in 1699, and was quickly copyrighted by a cabal of Japanese business men. H would later look back on the incident and say, “I guess at the time I was sort of excited. I mean, sure I was scared, but I was also excited. It’s like when I band gets discovered. But instead of a talent agent, there were four sweaty guys who get off to hand-drawn horse porn rushing at me with chloroform soaked rags.”

Like most things the Japanese get their hands on ( like anime and pocky ), these business men began discussing the best way to use their newly acquired letter to take over the world. Ideas included throwing it at America, shooting it at America, paying America 5 bucks to eat it and then putting the video on YouTube, and dropping in on America.

Environmentalist and then president of PETA, Bob Saget grew outraged when he learned the situation (reportedly, he found out after searching for “How to swallow for money” on YouTube). He claimed that it was unethical and illegal for anyone to copyright a living letter, and to hold it captive. After several years Saget had to sell himself into sexual slavery to continue his difficult and costly legal battle with Japan. An interesting turn of events came several years into the Arctic-American art-n-hobby metal band, Tool released a track named “H” on their CD “Things I put in my butt.” Saget went on record as saying, "Look, if those fuckers want to fuck everything up for me, then more power to them. Goddamnit, figures that a bunch of druged up wackos would be the ones the ruin something beautiful like the letter "H" Or prog-rock."

"H" is also the name of a dangerous, incredibly muscular gang of entities centred in the enniscorthy area. They are to be avoided at all costs.

The H-Bomb[edit]

Finally, the Japanese figured out that the best thing to with their letter was to harness it's technology and use it to create a bomb of epic proportions. After several years of research, Japanese scientists created the H-Bomb, which is short of Hiroshima bomb. The plan was to set America up the bomb, dropping it on several major cities. When detonated, the bomb would turn everyone in the blast radius into a Hiroshima citizen, an example of cultural cross-over. However, there was a mole in the uppermost levels of the Japanese government, and the US Army was tipped off. The United States shot down the plane carrying the bomb shortly after take off. Ironically enough, this caused it to land directly on Hiroshima. Because everyone in Hiroshima was already a Hiroshiman citizen, a phenomenon known as "double backwards inverse cultural cross-over" happened, causing everyone in the blast radius to melt. And die. Again.

The Japanese continued unhindered for several years, long enough for them to put their super evil plan into action.