Hampster

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hampster.

A hampster is like a hamster, only it p's more.

TPCBD on hampsters: One day they will come and when they do, fear for your lives and your milk, because the devil himself will have sent them and they shall pour forth from all the cracks in the ground, seeping in like stool from an arse!

Diet[edit]

Hampsters are known to eat anything pellet shaped (including nuclear isotopes) (Yes they are imune to radiation and radiation poisoning). They are also known to eat their own crap or anything else that comes from their own body, such as their young. Contrary to common beliefs, Hampsters do not make good diet suppliments. They also have been known to eat the keys of a computer keyboard making the whole western world and that kid from germany really mad. This shortage of computer keys has been known throughout the world just not traced to hampsters. There used to be a theory that it was the chupacabra that ate the keys but a famous scientist has recently disproved this.

Habitat[edit]

Paper towel tubes, ceramic shoes, pencil cases, underwear drawers, socks, christmas trees and teddy bears.

Bedding[edit]

Piles of other hampsters or, alternatively, piles of shredded toilet paper. Hampsters have also been known to sleep in poo.They have also been known to kill other hamsters to use their fur as coat in the colder season, when there owner dont take proper care of them. (leaving them out side in the winter)

Military Usage[edit]

"hamster dances" were the famous last words of the notoriously blood thirsty samurai, Myamoto Musashi

A secret hampster breeding project was used to create a large rabid horde of rampaging hampsters, which turned the tide in the Battle of Cheeseville, Wisconsin. This tactic became largely obsolete after the discovery that the rampaging hordes were particularly vulnerable to flame throwers and George W. Bush (who isn't?).

Food for Thought[edit]

Also a nice microwavable treat for you and the family. The pelts also can be used to create fur coats for Barbie dolls.

Military Ranking[edit]

as according to TPCBD

In war time the war like tribes of the feral hamsters will unite against whom ever they are fighting against, this collection is usually commanded by the elusive almighty hamster, various ranks are called up and weapons given, a list are here.

PVT: The backbone of the hamster armies, commonly seen with fully loaded cheeks

Chief Acorn: If a hamster can survive enough skirmihes he will become a Chief Acorn, these hamsters are known for there battle fury and acidic farts that tend to blow gaping holes through tanks!

Arillery Hamster: Hamster w/ mortar

Mecha hamster: Hamster w/ mecha suit or tank

Almighty hamster: The ultimate hamster, very hard to find and see, apparently older than the humans themselves, only two are in known existance!

Further Information[edit]

For more information on hampsters please see [1]