Hamster Armies of Evil

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I hate hamsters

~ Chuck Norris on His defeat by the hamster forces

They cannot be defeated but they taste like chicken, communist chicken.

~ Ronald Reagan on Soviet Hamster Forces

Who the hell had that idea?

~ God on Communist Hamsters

What the hell their taking over uncyclopedia NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

~ Oscar Wilde
In Soviet Russia Hamster Kill YOU!


The Hamster armies of evil are an army of communist hamsters bent on world domination, the complete destruction of france, and all of the worlds pictures of chuck norris. They are also a very simple way to kill stores once you learn to control some of them. Although there powers are great very few people have the power to control them. Among these people are the founder and saints of The Church of Nerdology, along with Ozzy Osborne, of course!!Here's a Quote from Ozzy.

Evil Hamsters rock, like I once did, especially when you owe a major debt of $5.00 to a store.

~ Ozzy Osbourne on Hamsters and Slores

Hamsterman also has control of these armies, though he is often fighting the forces of huge ass demons, so he has no time to command them. He often gets pissed because he got ganked by some sad little noob, however, so little is known about why he doesnt just kill the demons.


The Communist Hamster Armies of Evil hail from russia where they protect its borders from all intruders, democrats, capitalists, peasents, pedifiles, and Chuck Norris. The Communist Hamster Armies of Evil activly seek to destroy all things Nazi, German, Tiger, and Canadian. The C.H.A.O.E. fight their never ending war against all things religious and free. When the soviet union collapsed the hamster armies held it together as the last fortress of communism. They fight and invade countries for their money women and pornography.

The first super hamster was created after the chirnoble accident and grew to 4 feet tall and super intelligent. After it wandered into moscow it was converted to communism and served in the KGB. Feeling lonely he bought all the hamsters in russia and brought them to the ruins of the chirnoble reactor. There they mutated into more super hamsters and recieved weapons from the communist government.

Why they Rule[edit]

The Hamster Armies of Evil are normally very small and wimpy due to them being hamsters and all, but according to the rule of the russian reversal in russia they are the most powerful army in the world. They are in a constant state of conquest and where ever they go then becomes russian territory. At first they fought with claws and poo projectiles but the Soviet Union gave them guns and they began conquering the world starting with canada.


  • Guns, tanks, and planes Oh my.
  • The innate ability to pick up and use all types of weapons.
  • In Russian territory they are invulnerable.
  • Infinite ammo and grenades stored in their cheeks.
  • Vicious yet cuddly behavior.
  • The ability to go into a frenzy and gain inhuman strength.


The units of the Communist hamster armies of evil are as follows.

The grunt, an average hamster warrior stands about 3 - 4 feet tall and is cute but deadly. Always equipped with a machine gun and the standard commie hat. Carries unlimited ammo and grenades in its cheek pouches. If forced into close combat it goes insane and will tear its attacker into tiny peices and eat them. Its evil can only be compared to a grue and even a grue will be afriad of them. Immensly loyal and suicidal if they are not seen shooting at you or tearing your friends into peices then it is obviously suicide bombing your house. They are bred in the wastes of Russia in the millions so they always out number their enemies.

A Dwarf Hamster Commando in armor

They dwarf hamster commandos the same as above but are 1000 times stronger and faster. They are equipped with special armor that makes them more viscious and gives them stealth abilities. It also includes a jetpack. Master assassins they rip their victims into bloody peices with their chainsaw and them defecate on the remains.

The hamsters have recently found a way to construct a lightning gun that they use to electrocute and precook their enemies. It shoots out a bolt of electricity and is primarily used as an anti aircraft gun but is also used on infantry.

In recent events the hamsters have mastered the use of giant armored robots called Chrome Hounds( Recent XBox game lawsuit still in progress. ) This gives the hamster forces more power in addition to their vast fleet of tanks and artillery.

Communist Hamsters are well known and deadly suicide bombers. They carry 2 tons of nitroglycerin in their bodies and often explode if they are about to be captured. The suicide bombers have been known that when grabbed by a Canadian eagle pulled a grenade out of its cheek pouch and blew of the eagles head killing itself in the process.


  • The Formation of the Soviet Union
  • The one and only defeat of Chuck Norris
  • Slores as an endangered species
  • The Extinction of the Panda
  • Mr. T losing his bling ( the hurricane was an excuse )
  • The creation of the world
  • they conquered france, and germany, and america, and bob the builder, and nuns, and monkey land, and the lord of darth, the empire, some random city in Scotland, gruetopia, mexico, mexica, canada, pornography websites, pedifileland, neverland ranch, france, mickey mouse, pantalones~kingdom of party place, china, japan, all of Africa, and most of the moon.
  • The start of the war for all nerddom versus the flying eagle armies of canada, the demonic aligators of southern florida, the facist tiger armies of nazi germany and the emo goth armies of the river styx.