Harry Krishna, born in 1145, is the illegitimate offspring of Barbara Bush and Yogi the Bear. Krishna was abandoned by his parents and grew up in an orphanage near Lupa Land. He made a meager income selling coloured hats to Umpa Lumpas. One of the Umpa Lumpas was so impressed with the funky hat that he brought Willy Wonka ( Gene Wilder, not Johnny Depp ) to meet him at his table top shop in front of his orphanage.
Wonka wasn’t very impressed, but Harry begged him to give him a job at his chocolate factory. Wonka eventually agreed and gave Harry a job as a human guinea pig. Harry’s job was to consume new artificial hallucinogenic chemicals that Wonka often slipped into his chocolate to make it more addictive to determine the resultant effect on a young consumer.
The result was inevitable; Harry began to believe he was some kind of hippy God and started climbing on railway bridges and sticking huge “Gouranga” stickers on the side which he created in Wonka’s label printing section.
Willy Wonka and Harry Krishna soon became covert lovers. They indulged in promiscuous sexual practices such as fucking dogs who were being strangled, asphyxi-wanking one another beneath a hologram of Ronald Reagan and eating the genitals of children invited to the chocolate factory. In 1376 Wonka and Krishna kidnapped Michael Jackson and mannapped Martin Bashir and ordered them to make love inside a giant microwave to create the primary ingredient of a new chocolate bar.