Hitler and the Gestapo

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Heil, Tamia!

~ Hitler

Hitler and the Gestapo is the name of the famous smash metal band created by Adolf "Judenfrei" Hitler.

Early Years[edit]

Hitler started as just a punk guitarist in the Fraulein, a dirty, disrepute pub in lower Munich. However, the head of Weimar Records visited the pub one day during his daily whoring run and was so stunned by the skill of the young guitarist that he immediately shot the bartender in the head and hired Hitler into the fold. Adolf quickly rose to the top of Weimar Records, renaming it "Third Reich Music".

But there were few good bands in the company's employ, which was why Weimar had been in such trememdous debt prior to the guitarist's takeover. So he decided to make his OWN band to support the company- and thus Hitler and the Gestapo was born.

The Gladzeig[edit]

This was what Hitler described as his Good Time, or Gutenzeit. He scoured the bands of the Third Reich for good music talent, and eventually put together the top lineup of the Gestapo:

Adolf "Judenfrei" Hitler- Lead Guitar, Vocals

Tamia Hill- Vocals

Heinrich "Double-S" Himmler- Backup Guitar

Rudolf "Peacemaker" Hess- Bass Guitar

Joe "Crimethink" Goebbels- Keyboards, Vocals

Hermann "Divebomb" Goering- Electric Violin

Erich "Bizmark" Raeder- Drums

This powerful lineup had been painstakingly assembled from previous bands such as Reichstag, World War, and Stormtroop. The new band showed various aspects of the old, combined with a new feel that nothing in Weimar had been able to match.

Glory Days[edit]

The Gestapo started off with a bang, releasing their first Album, Conscription, in 1935. The powerful new music stunned the world, sending Third Reich stock rocketing while critically injuring that of its main competitor, NatLeag. Enjoying stunning success, the band didn't stop there, releasing their first single only a short while later. The new single, Anschluss, followed quickly by other top hits such as Break the Bank, CzechMix, and Kristallnacht, took the world by storm, thrusting the Gestapo into the limelight and beginning a dominant era.

Wehrmacht World Tour 1939[edit]

Although Blitzkreig was not popular in many European countries, it was an instant hit in Germany and Austria

The Gestapo got the most fame, though, from their smash-hit world tour, Wehrmacht Storm. Writing a large amount of all-new music specifically for the tour, the Gestapo crossed every major city in Europe during the tour. Berlin, Vienna, Prague, Warsaw, Rotterdam, Luxembourg, Amsterdam, Paris, Rome, Athens- nothing escaped their notice. The powerful new song, Blitzkrieg, took Poland in particular by surprise, and resulted in negotiation of getting Polish groups signed up with the Third Reich. There was initially a London concert planned, but the city council threw them out shortly after an incident involing violinist Goering.

Breaking Point[edit]

The world was stunned when, in early 1941, bass guitarist Hess left the band and began negotiating a deal with Empire Records. Hitler was reportedly shaken, but the band was in the middle of their smash tour and as a result had to hire on the run. Luckily, they found a great backup and player in the form of Benny "Duce" Mussolini, who had just ended his long-standing record deal with NatLeag and was looking for employment. The group then went on to what was supposed to be the biggest gig they had ever played- Moscow. It was here that they began to be divided. Hitler wanted to head south and perform a side gig in Kiev, while the rest of the band wanted to head straight on to the Moscow concert. Hitler eventually got his way, but it resulted in the band's downfall.

The Big Battle[edit]

When the group reached Moscow, they found a rival band, the Red Men, already occupying the stage. What resulted was the biggest battle of the bands since the Kaiser-Doughboy concert of 1917. The music broke windows for a mile around in Moscow, but the Red Men's biggest song, "Winter Walking", overpowered the Gestapo in decibles and power. The Battle of the Bands was lost.

Death Spiral[edit]

From then on the Gestapo never caught a break. Duce quit the band shortly after the debacle at Moscow, and his replacement, "Death Angel" Mengele, was a controversial figure in the industry. The band continued for two more years, losing more and more money and crowds to the Red Men, their old rivals, Imperium, and eventually to latecomer but powerhouse Red, Black, and Blue. Hitler quit the band, and the industry altogether, in 1945, and about a week later "Bizmark" Raeder dissolved the Gestapo.

It was the end of an era.


Though the Gestapo never reformed, their legacy lives on. Albums from them such as Rocketeer, Atomic View, and their famous Blitzkrieg were taken and adapted by other, later bands. Though none cited the Gestapo as an influence, a result of their end-of-career downward spiral, the background is clear.