How to live forever

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Many people who call themselves scientists and people who live in certain 'institutes' believe that it is possible to live forever.

The Theory[edit]

To live forever, first, invent time travel. Then travel back in time to before your parents met, then seduce the woman who will become be your mother, and get her pregnant. The subsequent baby will of course be you, and you will become your own father. This is where it gets complicated. you must then travel into the future to kill the version of yourself that is about to travel back and sleep with your mother. If you do this it will mean that you never went back and nothing has changed, except now you have no father. Travel back to the time of your birth, act fast, you must kill your mother before she gives birth to you. Now, since you have never been born, you can never die. Now you no longer exist. This will prevent you from ever returning to your own time, but that doesn't matter because you don't exist anywhere or anytime. This will severely damage any chances of doing anything which requires a birth certificate. You will not be able to work or get a driver's license. This will make life very hard, and since you're going to live forever, you'll probably end up killing yourself anyway.

Drawbacks[edit]

You have slept with your mother, then killed her, and yourself; you are one f*cked up person.

Other Methods[edit]

In order to live forever, all you have to do is drink your own urine. But that's pretty gross, so you'd probably rather just sleep with your mother and kill her.