“I pity the fool that don't love Hulk-mania.”
~ Mr. T on Hulk Hogan
“His shiny muscles perfect the coolness of my creations.”
~ God on Hulk Hogan
“This isn't an article as much as a guide to living your life, brother.”
~ Hulk Hogan on Hulk Hogan
“In Soviet Russia, YOU run wild on Hulkamania!!!”
Hulk Hogan is a rapper and was the 37th President of the United States, defeating Randy Savage in Presidential Election V: Super Powers Collide.. Terry "Fabulous Gold Hollywood Hulk The Hulkster Hogan" Bollea ( for short ) was already slammin' heavyweight champions through the mat brother and pinning them with the American flag dude when you were just slamming doo doo in your diapers brother. The Hulkster was born sometime in the 19th century brother- after wandering in Japan for 20 years dude he fused with the Incredible Hulk brother, transforming him into the greatest wrestler of all time dude. Hogan has been arrested 9 times by the United Nations for using the atomic leg drop on Japan.
Hogan talks about his arms as being "24 inch Pythons", which is literally true, they bit off Bill Cosbys' testicles on a guest appearance on The Cosby show.( Hogan played Cosbys' illegitimate son Hulk Cosby )
“dude. Well let me tell you something brother!, the Hulkster has been all over the world dude. Way back when you were still slamming doo-doo in your diapers brother..”
~ Hulk Hogan on The United Nations
Sometime in 1985 the Hulkster was fighting crime with Jesus and the rest of the big three, throwing criminals into the ropes of the banks they were robbing and hitting them with that big boot brother. Then he would drop the big leg on them; 1, 2, 3, and they would totally have to leave town dude
Hulk Hogan was also responsible for ending World War II when he dropped the Atomic Leg-drop on the dirty Japanese.
Hulking Up dude
One time when Hogan was deployed into Iraq brother he was shot in the face by a Sherman tank dude. Normally that would kill a man, but Hogan introduced something that had never been seen before brother. Shaking his arms rapidly, he rose to one knee brother. He stood up, twisting wildly as if recovering his energy dude. Then he turned to the heavily armored tank and pointed at it brother. Hogan proceeded to say something that was not picked up by the mics dude, and delivered several devastating left overhand punches to the battle tank brother. Hogan also reportedly clotheslined the tank, leaving it a pile of smoldering scrap metal dude. Later, Hogan would admit that during the confrontation with the Sherman tank, he tore every muscle in his back after he had body-slammed it, but carried on for "All you Hulk-maniacs, BROTHER!"
Nearby Kuwaiti soldiers later said "that was the most baller shit" they had ever seen.
This would not be the last time he would "hulk up" ( as Hogan later referred to it on well known Hulk-maniac Oprah's show brother ), and he would make use of this technique in most of his later fights dude.
Hogan is an avid reader of The Beano and will one day team with Dennis The Menace to take on the evil axis of Walter The Softy and newly turned heel Gnasher ( the dog ).
The Big Boot and the Leg Drop brother
Aside from hulking up, Hogan also makes use of a deadly martial arts combination allegedly taught to him by Bruce Lee, in Lee's after school algebra seminar.
The attack begins when the victim is running towards the user. The user then lifts his leg so that it is level with the victim's face brother. Obviously, the sheer impact of the victim slow-jogging towards the user's outstretched leg causes said victim to violently crash into the floor dude.
In some street fighting situations however, the victim is not running towards the user dude. Hogan realized that he could work around this by using a ring-around-the-rosie move to send the victim running towards the ropes; inevitably causing them to run back into his outstretched leg. In situations where there are no ropes, Hogan often body-slams his opponent- this was seen when he defeated Voltron, and later when he wrestled the 350 ton Andre the Giant.
Once having them on the floor, the user proceeds to execute the big leg drop brother. This consists of running away, then towards the downed opponent ( often with the help of ropes ), jumping up in the air and landing on the opponent in a sit-down position dude.
The force per square inch with which the user's leg lightly lands on the victims general neck region completely fucking devastates said victim brother.
See main article: nWo
Wrestlemania Hogan first saw world-fame when he starred in the feature-length documentary "Wrestlemania" in 1985 brother. The film saw Hulk Hogan bravely fight against "Ravishing Rowdy Rude Rolling Rod Roddy Ruben Ralph Piper" and his army of 50,000 cowboys with only the help of Mr.T dude. The bout was impressive in that it feature Hogan defeating an army of 50,000 cowboys. As a result however, the Roman Colisseum was left in its present state. ...brother
Wrestlemania III This legendary documentary saw Hulk Hogan challenge then Outworld emperor Andre the Giant to Mortal Kombat. It was especially impressive when Hogan body slammed Andre, as the latter was genetically engineered to weigh 700,000.38 lbs. The body slam also caused several volcanic eruptions on the other side of the Earth, completely destroying many island nations. Andre died almost immediately after the bout from an enlarged sense of defeat. The fight drew over 80 trillion billion people.
Wrestlemania IV Wrestlemania IV was a big box-office flop as it detailed a freestyle rap tournament culminating to a match between Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage. It must be noted, however, that both Eminem and John Cena were utterly destroyed in the crossfire.
Wrestlemania V This film, based on a true story; starred Al Pacino as Hulk Hogan running around Downtown Atlanta hitting pedestrians with an electric sledgehammer. The decision to cast Al Pacino made this one of the biggest blockbusters of all time.
Wrestlemania VI Hulk Hogan slaps the man that was meant to overthrow him; Vladimir Lenin to death. The entire crowd at the Toronto Dome was splattered with blood.
Wrestlemania VII Hulk Hogan is betrayed by the U.S. Army; and promptly defeats them in this classic comedy. The final scene confused people as to whether the movie was real or not, because it was a real-life unplanned scene of Hulk Hogan doing the big boot leg drop combination on Ronald Reagan in the oval office and defeated the Russians with the Star Wars Defense System Brother.
Wrestlemania VIII In a follow-up to the previous year's film, Hulk Hogan faced off against the stable "The Supreme Court Justices" in a 30 foot high steel cage. The fight was labeled as "unfair" to the justices; whom were shot with mule tranquilizers and air-dropped via helicopter into the cage where they awoke to a beating by Hogan.
Wrestlemania IX This book on tape retells the true story of how Mt. Fuji in Japan had become the subject of a severe sumo wrestler infestation. After several regular exterminators failed at the task, Hogan was sent in to toss the wrestlers into the boiling magma of Mt. Fuji's volcanic crater, which he did effortlessly from the base of the mountain.
Wrestlemania X Because the previous year's book on tape did not sell well, Hogan reenacted his heroic feat using real Sumo Wrestlers and an actual active volcano ( though the snow was admittedly fake ).
Wrestlemania XI This obscure black and white film saw Hulk Hogan repeatedly leg-dropping Biggie Smalls in slow motion. It became an instant cult classic. Many believe it was the trauma of the aftermath of the punishment which killed Smalls, and not a gunshot as is widely believed.
Wrestlemania XII Shawn Michaels wanted to take Hogan's place as emperor of Outworld, but before he could challenge the latter to Mortal Kombat; Hogan kicked Michaels through a solid titanium wall. The captured footage was released as this mildly successful film.
Wrestlemania 13 In a blast from the past, Hogan was assaulted by the Undertaker of the wild west town the cowboys, which he had defeated in the first Wrestlemania, were from. Apparently this undertaker was disgruntled as he had been given so much work. The Undertaker was not able to withstand being slammed from the terrace of a nine story building and through 18 wooden tables.
Wrestlemania XIV Hulk Hogan faced his toughest challenge yet, as he was challenged by Stone Cold Steve Austin to a street fight. Though Austin had carefully studied Hogan for the previous 20 years, he was caught off guard by the Hulking Up, Big Boot and Leg Drop combination.
Wrestlemania XV Hulk Hogan faced a returning Austin. This time Austin was assisted by The Rock. Both of these jabronies received a swift cross-kick by Hogan which sent them flying through the air; landing somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
Wrestlemania XVII In almost a retake of 'mania XV, this time an ( at the time ) evil Hogan launched the Austin-Rock team out of a cannon; landing them somewhere in Africa, where they were quickly consumed by gorillas on PCP.
Wrestlemania XVIII By this time The Rock had saved the Earth from an invasion, so this fight between him and Hogan had people split considering who to root for. Austin was nowhere to be seen but was reportedly hit with the Rock as the latter fell from the sky after having been uppercut by Hogan. This was a move Hogan had then recently been taught by his longtime friend Scorpion.
Wrestlemania XIX This movie documented Hogan's rise to ownership of the World Wrestling Entertainment Corporation, after challenging and beating Vince MacMahon to the death. The fight was notable in that the referee was Jabberjaw, a large shit-talking shark.
Wrestlemania XX With a returning Shawn Michaels, who had finally recovered from the back injuries he sustained in being punched through a titanium wall teaming up with an also recovered Undertaker; Hogan was in trouble. Or he would have been if he hadn't punched both of them through an even thicker titanium wall, causing them to fall through several wooden tables. brother!
Wrestlemania XXI Hogan took out Osama Bin Laden after beating Boba Fett in a foot race for the bounty. Incidentally, he also karate chopped a retard named Eugene. Hogan sent an apology to the funeral.
Wrestlemania XXII Hogan body slammed the Juggernaut through the mat, ending the eternal debate, "Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?"
It was the Hulkster versus the rootin' tootin' legend killer, Randy Orton, himself brother. Randy Orton nailed the RKO on the Hulkster dude, but his friend Tetsuo lifted the Hulkster's leg brother and put it on the ropes dude. The ref saw it brother, and he gave the Hulkster another chance dude. The Hulkster tapped into the gem of Cyttorak brother and Hulkamania ran wild on the Legend Killer dude. Hulkamania lives on brother.
The End of the Legend?
In 2006, not long after his epic battle with Voltron, Hogan was diagnosed with Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which he had received from the ghost of Andre The Giant. Andre said he was sorry, but it was far too late. Shortly after Wrestlemania XXII, Hogan finally succumbed to the terrible illness that had plagued him all his life; greatly reducing his strength. The world's greatest hero had died.Hulk Hogan is believed to have also been the cause for the Twin Towers coming down in New York.
Hulk Hogan is survived by his sons, Black Hogan and James Hogan. Chuck Norris was ready to have attempted traveling back in time to save Hogan's life, but stopped to remember the Hulkster's word's of wisdom.
“Time traveling to save one's life may make one happy in the end, but you should never forget that the people from that timeline will die off. The murder of millions for the life of one? No way, brother.”
~ Hulk Hogan on time travel
Hogan is expected to resurrect sometime soon.