From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
     Whoops! Maybe you were looking for iAlicia?
     Whoops! Maybe you were looking for the iKhan?

No Wikipedia.png
Those obsessed with so-called-experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about IYou.

iYou is Apple's latest iProduct for this year, and it does heaps of stuff that the previous installment, iI, could only have vaguely imagined doing. iYou is designed to tell you about you. Sounds pointless? Yeah, well so are you. iYou can tell you about that as well. iYou, which retails at about $4,999,999,999,999.99 was released on December 24th, 2005. Apple realised that that day was the closest day to Christmas without being Christmas. What they didn't take into account was leap years. And the fact that no-one was going to buy it anyway. Except you.


The iYou looks a bit like this:


Except fatter, and with that undeniable stench of Apple. Basically, you press its nose and then it tells you about you: your name, your mum, your face, etc. In fact, it can even tell you how tall you are, which is not easy to find out.

Apple recently announced that iYou 2: You, Your Mum and You, would be released on December 23, 2006. If you're not sure that Apple's a money-laundering Asian crime syndicate yet, you aren't very intelligent at all, now are you?

iYou MicroMiniTinyLittle[edit]

In an attempt to accommodate the midget-sized and physically retarded, Apple has, of course, made a nonsensically tiny iYou to tell you all about you wherever you are. It has a battery life of a whopping 76 hours, however requires ammunitions-grade plutonium, a human heart, and the Holy Grail to recharge. Dan Brown plans to write a novel on this tomorrow.


The even tinier iYou now can fit inside your cells, so it can now subliminally tell you about you by you simply willing the iYou to tell you so. When a reporter asked Apple how easily this could be used by Apple to control the minds of their mindless subjects, the Apple representative asked for a pen and paper so that he could write it down. Several seconds later, Apple announced the release of iWorldDomination. The specifics of this remain unknown, except that it will come in green, blue and people.

iYou: Christmas Edition[edit]

The same, except red and green.

iYou: July Edition[edit]

The same, except with a generally lower temperature average, frostier winds, and lower than average precipitation.

iYou: iRaq Edition[edit]

This was an announced expansion pack, but quickly withdrawn after it was realised the Apple is already a subsidiary of iRaq.

iYou: Super Funny Edition[edit]

This version of iYou has its own MySpace page after it grew a mind of its own, destroyed Apple, killed millions, and settled in Detroit to run its blog. It can now be found at its home page. [1]