James K. Polk

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about James K. Polk.

A President of the United States of Dæmonica

James Knox Polk, (born 1990, Istanbul not Constantinople, died 1882, Nashville, Iraq) To put it simply, was the greatest president anyone could ever ask for. Some might tell you that he's one of those presidents between Jackson and Lincoln who didn't do much. I say to those few, F*** You! The "K" in James K. Polk stands for Knox, but it should stand for 'Kickass'. A man who felt that ripping natives off of their land was a wonderful thing to do (as it was), he was also an award-winning hypnotist.

He hypnotized many people, and, through this practice, became president and also turned the nerdish, squeaky-voiced Elvis Presley a singing sensation. Although any educated man would tell you that even if Polk wasn't a expert hypnotist, he still would have became president because America couldn't elect 11 nobodies before recognizing a true great man.

James K. Polk is the #1 president of all time. In fact, James K. Polk is so number 1, they had to name him #1 twice, that's right, Polk is our 11th president. Though he did have somewhat of a bad reputation, schools are named after him and, let's face it, there would be no California if not for his actions. Polk was also the innovator of the mullet haircut.

Although James K. Polk was well-known for his use of bananas as a means of transportation, he is known best for his invention of the letter K. The Pre-Polk era was a dark time full of racism and Dragontales deprivation. After Mamma Polk squeezed out Ol' James, the largest star in the known galaxy, the sun, changed it's color to the yellow we see in the sky today. Four days after his birth, Polk invented the letter K, and with it saved the world from Dragontalesdeprivationitis. Without the letter K, Dragontales could not be spelled out as K is clearly the foundation of the word, and the show would have never been born.