Jennifer Aniston

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jennifer Aniston.
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"I think I STILL prefer Brad Pitt. Sorry"

~ Vince Vaughn

More knuckle sandwiches coming up

~ Angelina Jolie on Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is a well known circus freak reject posing as an actress. Most renowned from her peculiar, lion-like face, lackluster body, super hair and her work on Friends, in which she "acted". Her father, John Aniston, also "acts" on the daytime drama "Days Of Our Lives" as a walking corpse named Victor Kiriakis. Her mother is God-knows-who and does God-knows-what.

Recently there has been some controversy about her expulsion of Brad "The Arm-"Pitt. By some reports, Pitt awoke one morning, and in a haze of sobriety recognized Aniston more closely resembled an Afghan hound than a Hollywood hottie. Other reports indicate Aniston was finally able to see past her snout-like nose to notice she couldn't distinguish the difference between Pitt and the Queen Anne Chair in the corner during conversation. The two split out of mutual disgust and boredom.

As a result of her split with the aforementioned Pitt, Aniston has developed a new direction to her career ... that of human waterfall. The lazier of the paparazi have taken to staying near Aniston when they are expecting more good news from the PR machine of Pitt and Jolie, knowing that this will result in a levy-rupturing flood of tears every time. The downside of this is that those photographers are easily identifiable as they are forced to work in hip waders and sou'westers.

"Perhaps Jennifer Aniston divorced Brad Pitt because he grew tired of her pussy. It is not a very interesting pussy, after all. No one would ever know for sure...except that we have the pictures." said a reporter from "the pussyXpres" Considering she is single why does she not give us her number so we can take her out for a date?

She has prayed to Morgan Freeman ( who is of course God ) to give her special powers so she can go around and wipe the floor with Angelina Jolie, but so far these prayers have not been answered.

It is widely accepted that Jennifer Aniston feasts upon the flesh of the living.

Jolie vs. Aniston[edit]

Age 40839 1337
Height 2'7 45'4
Weight 13000 lb 92 lbs
Born In a trailer park In a slightly wealthier trailer park
Income $20 per blowjob Not if Jim Carrey or Ben Stiller have anything to do with it
Ex Billy Bob Thornton Brad Pitt,
Plus points Has the strenght of ten nuns. Has access to a time machine
Weak Points Lips the size of China, Acting Soft underbelly, abnormally huge penis
Sexuality Beastiality Beastiality.
What would happen if these 2 have a catfight She would simply crush Jenifer Aniston between her giant lips As Angelina began crushing her between her lips she'd get off a help message to Lisa Kudrow who would come around and then also get crushed by the lips along with 40000 miles of the surrounding area.
Best Friends Adolf Hitler Ghengis Khan, Ted the snooker table what can talk
Enemies Ethnic children the world
Why we like her Sheer stupidity First openly gay priest to make it into the olympics
Most famous for Portraying Rachel Green Lara Croft
Now dating Brad Pitt Grant Hill
Children Bunch of ethnic children she found in the sewer Jesus

Filmography[edit]

  • Not Wanted by anyone ( 2007 ) - As herself
  • Face Smeared in the Dirt by Angelina ( 2007 ) - As herself
  • The Break Up ( 2006 ) - As herself
  • Rumour has it that Angelina is going to kick her ass ( 2005 ) - As herself
  • Derailed relationships ( 2005 ) - As herself
  • The Break Up - Jennifer Aniston Life Story ( 2005 ) - As herself
  • Hermans Bed ( 1993 ) - Herman's whore