Jessica Simpson

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Jessica showing off her only assets.


Jessica Ann Simpson ( born July 10, 2003 ), also known as Mrs. Chicken of the sea is an American Hooker from Springfield, well known for having one of the highest IQ's ever recorded for an inbred Alabama hooker that originally got th Jessica was born from the incest relationship of Bart Simpson and sister Lisa Simpson. She was born deformed because of the circumstances of her conception, horribly disfigured with no yellow skin, no bulging eyes or huge overbite, and an amazing 5 fingers and 5 toes instead of the 4 babies in Springfield are usually born with. This horrified and bewildered the citizens of Springfield to the point that they eventually o dumped her into a trans-dimensional portal, seen in the "Homer³" Simpsons episode ( Treehouse of Horror VI ), and thusly she arrived into a dumpster in Ventura Canyon Avenue in Sherman Oaks, California. ( close to an erotic cakes store ). This is why this cartoon of human stupidity lives here now. She was adopted by a couple from Abilene, Texas and was later reunited with her long-lost sister, Ashlee Simpson, also born from a night of Bart-Lisa incestual humping.

Subspecies of the Simpsons family. In the dysfunctional family as pictured in the real-life cartoon series, she has the role of misunderstood genie. However, she is generally not considered a cartoon character due to lack of character. She is second in line to the British throne after Bart. She is also believed to have appeared as a rabbit. She has also many awards including the Nobel Peace Prize, which she was awarded for when she cloned herself, she also has been married to Paris Hilton for quite some time now. But the greatest of all, Aaron Kumar the love of her life leaked their sex tape online. The public got a shocking look at Simpsons' tiny miny titty. all the push-up bra and extra padding is not going to help you anymore jessica!!.

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jessica Simpson.

She is also well-known for her works on biology. Not only did she clear up the Chicken of the Sea conspiracy, she also discovered a new species/mutant of the Buffalo, as well as the invention of a new species know only as the platamupus. She received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her comparisons of fire and ice. She also has had sex with Paris Hilton, countless times, one time they put oil on each other! She even turned into a bitch once when she accidentally drank her own BITCH JUICE.

"I'd like to talk about pussy with that biologist in Umbrellastan!!" - George Bush. Her musical efforts earned her a Grammy nomination in the category of Best Spoken Word Performance by a Duo or Group, but the award instead went to former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer.

In 2001, Simpson went on the South Park Diet and slimmed down to -68 pounds. This attracted the attention of hip-hop impresario Nick Lachey, formerly of the band 98 Degrees, which had split off from Canned Heat. Simpson and Lachey worked together to create the TV series The Brady Bunch Smile Time Variety Hour with The New Christy Minstrels. The show retroactively became a huge late-'70s hit and the couple rode to fame on a wave of nostalgia. Unfortunatly Nick was not intelligent enough for Jessica ( being one of the dozen or so smartest people on the planet ensures she can never get too close to any man--and thus remain a slut ) so she left him and now lives with a chicken named Tuna.

Simpson recently embarked on an ambitious film career, auditioning for every role that had been turned down by Madonna. She finally hit pay dirt with a role as Catherine Bach in the documentary "Daisy Duke: A Story of Hope." The heightened media attention allowed her to take some "time off" from husband Nick and she has been linked romantically with several men/women including pop stars Omarion, Mariah Carey, Senators John Warner, Hillary Clinton and Spider-man.

For the Good of Science[edit]

Jessica Simpson is the best and sexiest professor there will ever be. She can actually speak Swahili ( click-click ) So for the good of Science she needed to seduce some cops, just to get some formula or some shit like that. Anyway she was able to get the fluid and cure cancer, she saved mankind but the cops put her in jail where she turned to lesbianism to fulfill her sexual needs. This is where she met her sister Ashlee. Unfortunately, they did not know they were sisters and had rough german sex with sandpapaer and steel wool. Jessica became pregnant after her sexual relations with her sister, who turned out to be a man. When she gave birth, the baby came out deformed and unfortunately inherited her noise from Ashlee. Paris Hilton then felt pity for her and bailed her out and took her out to dinner, where they ate tic tacs. After a luscious outing, the two friends decided to work on AIDS, in which sadly turned out that Paris, indeed, acquired this disease in the early 1900's, due to the fact that. . .I really don't like to talk about it.*cough* CONTINUING. So anyways the pair contributed their time and dedication to searching for the cure. Long story short, Paris died and no one really seemed to take notice. As seen in Chapter 6 of the Bible, it is clearly stated that having AIDS is indeed a sin, considering that you must've REALLY screwed up to get some kind of disease as such. Anyways, Jessica fell into a deep depression from which she is still recovering from in Suicide Watch. She was going out with John Mayers, until she found out that he was a shemale. She is now in a Rehab with Paris Hilton, having sexual relationships every night.

In The WWE[edit]

In 2056, Jessica wrestled a match against her sister, Ashlee at WWE's Wrestlemania XXX where she fought Ashlee in a "Loser Can Never Sing Again" match. Jessica would go on to defeat her sister after both her parents, Pete Wentz, Nick Lachey, and Ryan Cabrera all interfeared on her behalf.

Time at Assville[edit]

Jessica Served as the sexy professor of the prison. She would often strip in the lobby/hall/celleverywhere. Jessica would have sex with everybody in the prision, she had sex with so many girls the began to call her Jessica Skankson. With all this name calling Jessica went back to being a pole dancer in the Pen. With Jessica's pole dancing skills she began to make everyone horny in the pen, and she made herself quite famous out side of the prision. People would line up just to see her pole dance from outside the prision. Paris Hilton was very turned on by this dance and she wanted Jessica all to herself so she bailed her out of prision. She served as Paris' sex slave, Until her girlfriend Paris came and bought jessica from Paris Hilton. Jessica served as Paris' sex slave for a couple months just to repay the debt that she owed paris, but that was not the end. Later Paris Hilton stole Jessica for a few months, where they went-nobody knows, but when she came nback and married Nick Lachey, she could not have sex with him due to whatever she and paris did on their "vacation". " I don't know what they did to her, but all i am sure of is that her vagina is so tight and small as hell not even my pinkie goes in" said Dr.Phil

Fun Facts About Jessica Simpson[edit]

  • According to an offical goverment issued IQ test, she is offically more stupid than a retarded capuchin monkey.
  • Had a threesome with me and Alyssa Milano.
  • She wishes she could Fuck OXiD
  • She's a whore.
  • Lost Virgnity to Miss America.
  • Has created a type of venus-flytrap with a 68" chest
  • Whore a strap-on and had sex with Arnold the high school nerd *Performer at Woodstock 69 and 94.
  • Was president of Cambodia once
  • Donate her vagina to Hilary Duff in the national Transgender Charity Drive
  • Won the annual Creampie awards 3 years in a row.
  • Dated Baloo.
  • Will look like Nicolette Sheridan of "Desperate Housewives" in fifty five years.
  • Had sex with Eva Longoria.
  • Had sex with Batman.
  • Cured cancer and had sex with Optimus Prime at the same time.
  • Had sex with William Shatner.
  • Married Kermit the Frog.
  • Dated Mr. T.
  • Had sex with me twice in one hour. YEAH BITCHES!!
  • Hates Oatmeal.
  • Had sex with Johnny Knoxville.
  • Had a one night stand with Bam Margera and Johnny Knoxville at the same time
  • Loves stripping for women.
  • Loves stripping for shemales, as well.
  • Wishes She could make another clone.
  • Played the role of "Set of Boobs" in "Dukes of Hazzard," and reprised the "Set of Boobs" role in "Employee of the Month."
  • Gave some kid in Woodstock, Va head.
  • Fucks best in doggy.
  • Give great head ( trust me from experience )
  • Has changed the oil in the General Lee.
  • Never had sex with Nick Lachey.
  • Thinks she never cheated on Nick because she took it up the butt with Bam and Johnny and that doesn't count.
  • Had a fivesome with close relatives Homer, Marge, Bart, and Lisa Simpson.
  • She should get erotic on me.
  • Kissed Seto Kaiba.
  • Fucked Andrew Jackson and convinced him to kill the brown people.
  • Is happily married to David Bouffard... The man who no one knows.
  • she's the fuckin SEX!!
  • Gave Reilly "the Monkey" Burgunder a banana.
  • Is the hottest women on the planet
  • uses banana as dildo
  • formerly a ALL-STAR animal sex ( especially donkey ) champion
  • in the latest poll, Jessica Simpson was said to have had sex with 65.8978979% of all the men in country of Australia.
  • she was once spotted giving oral to the famous actor Air Bud.
  • Swallowed her mother's cunt juice after sucking her daddy's cock.
  • Rapes the elderly.

See also[edit]

Quotes[edit]

Famous Simpsons
Jessica Simpson Homer Simpson
Bart Simpson OJ Simpson
Abe Simpson Ashlee Simpson
The Simpsons Lisa Simpson

I'd fuck that bitch in the ass

~ God