John F. Kennedy

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A President of the United States of Dæmonica

Former U.S. Fuhrer King John Fitzgerald Patrick Kennedy IVVVIXXI (also popularly known as "President Headshot" and "JFK") (1917 - circa 1978) was a famous maker of jelly doughnuts. JFK was assassinated by Robin Hood, according to the Grassy Incline theory, with a rolled up sheet of HP Premium Plus Glossy 4x6 paper. This move came under almost as much criticism as Robin Hood performing "YMCA" to the tune of "Mambo number 5", not quite as much though.

JFK is not to be confused with KFC.

Born to a family of escorts in the Chinatown of Boston, John F. Kennedy won the right to become president in a scratch-off lottery in 1960. Contrary to popular belief, he survived his assassination attempt by masturbating throughout the whole ordeal. To disguise this fact, the CIA and USSPA manipulated the media with false autopsy photos to "prove" that he was not masturbating. JFK currently resides in Hell, where he enjoys touch-football games with an "in-crowd" featuring Frank Sinatra, Mickey Mantle, and the bearded villain from "Die Hard". Kennedy is also a renowned spokesman for the decriminalisation of kitten huffing. File:Potus.png

For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about John F. Kennedy.