Kama Sutra

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kama Sutra.


The Kama Sutra is available worldwide, horribly corrupting the minds of the innocent. The Kama Sutra contains countless tips on thousands of horrible acts including:

Critics of overpopulation in the Indian Sub-continent have blamed the Kama Sutra exclusively for making sex too popular in that country.


The Kama Sutra was written in India by Vatsyayana in the fourth century AD. It was initially unpopular and its first print-run had to be pulped. Scholars have attributed its lack of popularity to the fact that the first edition

  • Was written in Indian;
  • Was the victim of a poor marketing campaign at Amazon.com; and most importantly
  • It did not have pictures in it.

The first English translation was completed in 1965 by the actor Richard Burton, whilst on the set of filming Cleopatra with Elizabeth Taylor.

This in turn led to the so-called Sexual Revolution of the Sixties and Seventies. Hugh Hefner is on record as saying that until he read the Kama Sutra sometime in the late 80s, it had never occurred to him to turn Playboy into a pornographic magazine, as up until then it had been exclusively devoted to articles about automobile accessories.

The first illustrated edition of the Kama Sutra took an incredibly long time to come to print after the previous edition - almost as much as six weeks in fact. There were two main reasons for this:

  • Firstly, the editors realised that the original book contained only 5% references to Sex, and 95% references to social and historical customs of ancient India which were completely unscandalous and would be valuable to scholars. They were thus faced with a dilemma of what to include, and what to leave out.
  • Secondly, the photographer, being a complete perfectionist, insisted on more time to take as many photos as possible, thus holding up publication.

The decision to include only references to Sex and not the historical and social references took a considerably lengthy, five minutes, whereas the need to take more photographs took a mere 5 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours and fifty-five minutes.

The publication of the Illustrated Kama Sutra was an inspired success, and led to a craze of lavishly photographed sex-education books. This in turn led to phenomenal growth in mail-order book clubs, and the world's most successful distributor of extreme hardcore pornography.


The Kama Sutra may be summarised thus: in order for women to experience pleasure during sex, it is necessary for them to have the flexibility of an Olympic Gymnast.

Men, on the other hand, don't have to do much at all, except poke it in the right hole. Although poking it in the wrong hole is not necessarily a bad thing, and can elicit squeals of agonyamusement and pleasure from the woman.

Thus, the Kama Sutra represents a theory of sex which is the exact opposite of that prevalent in Western culture, which traditionally assumes that the woman should just lie there and do nothing, whilst it is up to the man to do all the hard work.

Detractors of the Kama Sutra therefore say that it is responsible for causing pain, dislocated limbs and torn ligaments to women. Its supporters however say the opposite: that the Kama Sutra is responsible for causing pleasure to women - and the growth in popularity of Women's Gymnastics as an Olympic sport.