Karen Armstrong

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Karen Armstrong has written a number of fantastic books contributing to historical knowledge since quitting her day job as a nun. In the eyes of some it has been suggested that she should be held as queen of all historical knowledge and a statue be put up in her honour. But to be honest I think the only place that woman belongs is in my knickers, and i've more than beaten them to the statue idea.

List of works:

  1. Through the Narrow Gate (1982)
  2. The First Christian: Saint Paul's Impact on Christianity (1983)
  3. Beginning the World (1983)
  4. Tongues of Fire: An Anthology of Religious and Poetic Experience (1985)
  5. The Gospel According to Woman: Christianity's Creation of the Sex War in the West (1986)
  6. 'Holy War: The Crusades and their Impact on Today's World (1988)
  7. Muhammad: A Biography of the Prophet (1991)
  8. The English Mystics of the Fourteenth Century' ' (1991)
  9. The End of Silence: Women and the Priesthood (1993)
  10. A History of God (1993)
  11. Jerusalem: One City, Three Faiths (1996)
  12. In the Beginning: A New Interpretation of Genesis (1996)
  13. Islam: A Short History (2000)
  14. The Battle for God: Fundamentalism in Judaism, Christianity and Islam (2000)
  15. Buddha (2001)
  16. Faith After September 11 (2002)
  17. The Spiral Staircase (2004)
  18. A Short History of Myth (2005)
  19. Muhammad: A Prophet For Our Time (2006)
  20. The Great Transformation: The Beginning of Our Religious Traditions (2006)
  21. The Bible: A Biography (2007)
  22. The Case for God (2009)

22 books, and staying young - she truly is an inspiration to all. Karen Armstrong also writes critically on the subject of Wallace Intrubé, The Snickets, and various areas of the United Kingdom. Nobody can argue with her opinion, because you know what - it's always right.

Things that are great about Karen Armstrong[edit]

  • Her eyes
  • Her smile
  • The way she shakes her booty
  • She's still alive
  • She left the convent after 30 years to write on Islam
  • She used to be a nun. (oh dear god hold me back)
  • She made the convent pay for her graduate course
  • Critics love her
  • Children trust her
  • I'm a critic
  • I love her <3

Things I'd like to do to Karen Armstrong[edit]

I'd like to make love to her and hear her shout passages from the Bible in delight. I want to tie her up with a convent rope and see her break her vows repeatedly. I want to take her to a farm and watch her seperate the sheep from the goats. I want her to turn the other cheek. I want to tie her up and punish her for her sins. I want her to show me her Garden of Gethsename. While we are mating (outside of marriage), I want her to utter the legendary quote:

"There would be Peace of God in the west and War of God in the east - a perfect solution to the problems of Europe!"