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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kazakhstan.

The Glorious Republic of Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world. All other countries are run by little girls.

Country At A Glance[edit]

National Anthem: Страна Наглости, самоя лучшая страна в мирье ( "Kazakhstan, Greatest Country in the World" )

  • National Sport ( s ) : Kokpar ( involves shooting a goat and racing around with it, typically followed by a party ), Shurik ( involves taking a dog to a field and shooting it, typically followed by a party as well. Similar to baseball ), Gypsy Stoning ( in which we throw stone at gypsy ) Catch-A-Bride ( equestrian/matrimonial hybrid event )
  • GDP: $5 USD ( 2007 )
  • Imports: $1.5 ( 2007 )
  • Exports: $0.3 ( 2006 )
  • National Animal: CatMouse ( Koshemish ) / Ounce
  • Ethnic Groups: Kazakh ( 53.4% ), Russian ( 12.2% ), Glukogons ( 11.4% ), Romany/Gypsies ( 9.8% ), Ukranian ( 3.7% ), Hrens ( 3.6% ), Uzbek ( 0% ), Khagram ( 1.7% ), Other & more Zhelkeks ( 1.7% )

Natural Resources[edit]

Kazakhstan the number one exporter of potassium; all other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan also is largest exporter of top quality human pubis. The most valuble colour is red. Red pubis as valuable as diamonds. Conan O' Brian have greatest amount of red pubis in the world. Other remarkable exports are apples.

For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kazakhstan.

National Anthem[edit]

National anthem of Kazakhstan was adopted in 1991 as national anthem following Supreme Leader Borat Sagdiyev's rise to power. It is wildly rumored that he wrote lyrics and tune himself.

The original Kazakhstani is:

Наглости будет увеличениями вомленный спуск внутри заказак девушке.
Первый из экспорта Наглости страна обе стороны.
Дом Наглости плавательный бассейна.
Этой американской длиной вудет ширина бассейна.

Наглости рав вы систфильтрации котора яони.
Место куда она достигает дответственностей удалении места опасно.
Она инвестирует ощупывание Наглости.
Созданная конституция северного гороне.

Профиль Наглостионо этого заднего Запахнитуции.
Свирль Запахнитго друга.
Наглости меньшен от мозга онорастет.
Оно от места гдено проконтовано роватго.

Оно изобрел кровь перста окнгожи.
ноги пояса и нашего места срапроквнения.
Проса от ширина внутре Наглостиэтой.
Наглости страна интерьены.

Наглости Наглостионо этого заднего часа от этой проституции.
Свирль Запахнитго друга.
Созая консуция все появляется воядт к эт стороне.
Место мягкосердечия к пенису смогло и эффективность отношения и часа то!

The English translation is, roughly, as follows:

Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.
All other countries are run by little girls.
Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.
Other countries have inferior potassium.

Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.
It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.
Filtration system a marvel to behold.
It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From plains of Tarashek to Northern fence of Jewtown.
Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan.
They very nosey people with bone in their brain.

Kazakhstan industry best in the world.
We invented toffee and trouser belt.
Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region.
Except of course for Turkmenistan's

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From plains of Tarashek to Northern fence of Jewtown.
Come grasp the mighty penis of our leader.
From junction with the testes to tip of its face!


Ahh, the beauty of endless steppes, grain fields, and environmental degredation. Kinda like Utah, New Mexico, or Nevada mixed with a bit of South Dakota.

It located near China ( that country where everything is produced by peoples under age of 10 ). It land locked country with no rivers, streams, lakes, or puddles. There absolutely no water in country. Its inhibitants live by feeding off moisture of others. An environmental problem they face is toxic and nuclear waste that has been spread across country. This poses risk as dogs that eat waste become large and rabid and wreak havoc on bone industry. Kazakhstan geography very nice!


When Kazakhstan were part of Soviet Union, evil Uzbekistans and Jews come to Kazakhstan and pollute and destroy lots of agriculture land. Kazakhstan have now have many enviroment problems thanks to Uzbekistans and Jews, so Kazkhstan now import lots of food from US and A. But we get Uzbekistans back, we snuck across border to Uzbekistan in the night, and piss in their grain supply!


Kazakhstanians look much like regular humans but are actually big green monsters set on world domination. This is due to their turbans, because many Kazakstanians are hat killers. However the Kazakhstani people are generally peaceful unless they come into contact with Jews. Due to China population explosion, and through fear of invasion by cheap merchandise, Premier Nazarbayev in consultation with the Almaty Chamber of Commerce has set new birth quota of 200 children a year per woman once a woman reaches the age of 3.5 and until she dies naturally at age 5. "A woman who does not carry child is like horse without pants" Premier Nazarbayev remarked. Kazakhstan should overtake China as the largest nation in the world in 15 years. Many Kazakh women are outraged by this new policy and often wish they were raped by different man.

Famous Kazakhstanis[edit]

Borat next to prickly penis
  • Borat Sagdiyev - He first President. Also the second, third, and fourth president. Guess who's gonna be the fifth?yah momma
  • Nursultan Tuyakbay - He Borat's neighbor and pain in assholes, cannot afford a clock radio, and he has ipod mini.everybody know it for girls!
  • Borat Sagdiyev - He #2 television journalist in Kazakhstan, as well is being Supreme Leader. Known for having very large khram.
  • Natalya Sagdiyeva - She #4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. She also Borat's sister.Nice.
  • Bilo Sagdiyev - He Borat's retard brother. Was demon in brain so put in tooth of red hairs woman, but demon get angry, make Bilo a retard.He have retard rage and like to smah, he have small head but strong arms. Has pouch for storing all his porno. In cage must be locked.He have tatoo on his anus to warn of funny retardation, you can make romance on his anus, he remember nothing!
  • Assambala Sagdiyeva - She Borat's wife.
  • Luenell - She Borat's other wife.and has getto booty.
  • Margarita Nakitova - She Borat's mistress.
  • Lizaveta Nakitova - She Borat's girlfriend.
  • Chalynska Smerdyashchaya - Borat has to pay money for her, but she worth it all. Wowoweewa!
  • Boltok the Rapist- He Borat's father and grandfather
  • Betty Bush - She famous pornstar
  • Donald Trump - He famous hair model
  • Evgeni Nabokov - Number 1 goalie in all of Kazakhstan.
  • Azamat Bagatov - He #1 producer in all of Kazakhstan, he fat and he have small khram.
  • Korki Butchek - He number one singer in all of Kazakhtstan, he sing "Bing Bang".
  • Jonny the Monkey - He famous monkey movie star of Transibiesky Express and many other pornos.
  • Bertolt Brecht - He famous commie pinko revolutionary Hollywood scriptwriter. He have small khram.
  • Korki Buchek He is famous star in Kazakhtstan. Only rival to our Kazakhstan gold olympic plow woman.
  • Doctor Yamak - Minister of Sciences who made an important study on women's tiny brains.


Soviet Russia enter glorious new era along Irtysh River in Kazakh SSR in 1949.

Kazakhstan is communist dictatorship with strong leader like Stalin who crush his opponents with his huge khram. If you not vote for him, you be sorry. Premier is head of state. Premier also is commander in chief of many glorious armed forces. Premier Nursultan Nazarbayev, who has been in office since Kazakhstan became "independent", purchased a new 7-year term in the 1999 election that Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe said fell short of international standards. They are traitors and have been execute. Until 1999, leader of government was not chosen by election, but by who could suspend the heaviest weight from his testes-satchel. Communist Party Leader, who serves at pleasure of Premier, chairs Communist Party and serves as Kazakhstan's head of government and can throw Jew 16 feet ( and can suspend 9 pounds from his testes-satchel ). Even stronger than Premier Nazarbayev is father of American Premier George Walter Bush. His father, Barbara Bush, ( who's name means "to eat the hair around the testes sachel" ) have very large and strong khram. There are three deputy party leaders and 16 prostitutes in Cabinet, seven of which were ranked in top 10 prostitutes in all of Almaty by the Almaty Chamber of Commerce. Niiiiiiice. Great Success!

Communications and Transport[edit]

Short distance communication is carried out through talking, whispering, shouting and even hand movements. Long distance communication is carried out by messenger monkeys, who ride skateboards across desert with talking, whispering, shouting and even hand movements contained in a bottle for the receiver. Transport is such a major problem in Kazakhstan that entire folk songs have been written about it to encourage improvement. Kazakh citizens hope that someday this issue will be resolved, and speak of this day with hopes for a "big party". Unfortunately, most experts agree that transport issue will not be resolved for many years to come, especially with the ever-present danger of Jew. Wa wa wee wa!

National sports and Hobbies[edit]

In addition to Shurik, Kokpar, Gypsy Stoning, Catch-A-Bride, and the Running of the Jew, other favorite sports include wrestling, arm wrestling, thumb wrestling, boxing, tug of war, jousting, underwater wrestling and medieval war, not to mention table tennis, archery, incest and rape. They are also fond of making small teddies and capturing gypsy tears, to protect from the Jews, a trait shared by Borat, Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Bush, Les Dennis and Sooty. Favorite music genre of disco dance make by Corky Bucek: Here is example.

Knowledge of Location[edit]

In 2004, a poll was given by CNN asking average Americans if they knew where Kazahkstan was. When asked, a startling 89.7% of U.S. citizens ( and one Chinese tourist ) said, "Isn't that where Osama bin Laden is?". Another 3% licked their lips sexually and replied that they didn't know, but would be happy to take the CNN pollster back to their place and help them look for it.