Kitten Huffing - Classic

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kitten Huffing.

Kitten Huffing is a great alternative to normal street drugs and vitamins. It is well known that eating kittens has its side effects, so please, do not huff too hard. Kitten-related human fatalities are no joke.

The technique that works the best tends to be the 'cupped hands approach'. This technique was developed by Santa Claus.


...gets you high as a motherfucker!

~ Santa Claus on Kitten Huffing


  1. Catch a live kitten.
  2. Cup hands around kitten's head leaving a small hole for you to put your mouth around.
  3. Inhale strong and deep until you have sucked the life from the kitten.
  4. Ride the snake. Don't fight it. You feel'n that shit yet? Yeeeeaah.
  5. Discard the kitten at your closest kitten recylcing center. Don't be a dick. Recycle.


Theories on Effects

Some say that the high you feel from kitten huffing comes from absorbing the soul exiting the body. Others say it is the post-mortem gasses that the kitten expells that give the practice its euphoric effects. The truth is we have the combined efforts of the RIAA and the MPAA to thank for the practice and effect of kitten huffing. Without their tireless research, not only would we be without a great past-time, but we'd also have wasted hours of time reading factual data instead of their skewed data on music and movie sales.