|Motto: We are happy to have sexual intercourse with your sisters!|
|National Anthem: chiwawa!|
|How to get there||You're alredy there.|
|Official languages||Albanian, Serbian, and English|
|Population||127,448 * e|
|President||Albin Che Kurti|
|Population||7,000,000 (Sober: none)|
|Most Popular first name||Mahz-a-fakka|
|Most Popular last name||Punani|
|National Hero||Haghi Zulfi Merja|
Kosovo ,or its full name, The Kosovan Kumpire is a state which is located in the South-Slavic Continent ( Europe ). It borders the Pashaluk of Tirana ( which is surrounded by Kosovan territory ) it also borders the Roman Empire to the west and the Ottoman Empire to the east. It also has connection to the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian and Mediterranean oceans. It a pretty interesting place where all people do is torture the local wildlife, mainly the dog-like creatures called Shiptars. But the main highlight of the day is hijacking KFOR's wives ( just for fun ).
Kosovo is a large region between the Roman and Ottoman empires. It is often referred to as the Balkans ( Illyrian ) Peninsula. The best way to reach Kosova is if you get to Amsterdam first and then follow the cannabis tracks until you reach a person with a traditional white hat who is smoking a joint. Eventually you might also encounter some of the wild species living in this country commonly referred to as "albanians" or "shiptars" but you shouldn't fear any danger as long as you say "qefke nonne" out loud. Kaja bre nanen!!
The territory of Kosova is composed of many high mountains, rivers, lakes, and also cheap (goat) prostitutes. The current territory of the Great empire of Kosova contains the former countries of: Greece, Macedonia, Albania, Serbia, Montenegro, Bulgaria, Bosnia, Croatia, Slovenia, Austria, Hungary, Moldavia, Poland, and also some less significant territories like Hawaii and the Bermudas.
Very little is known about Kosovo, as the current government ( KLA ) has figured to use papers it was printed on for joint puffing.
From the achives of CNN we managed to find out Kosovo was first occupied by the ( K ) LA Lakers in 1994, later on when some drunken people came after being thrown out of Nina's newsagent for swearing too much, they came to Kosovo, fighting and kicking out the goat government. It is actually believed the goats left due to the smell of the drunken fighters and there ceremonious backflips.
Kosovars like the other south-east-west countries before believing in one God(Allah) used to believe in their own god's. The most known "Gods" were:
- .The God of Fear and Larceny called Ramushohid.
- .The God Of Peace and Rock's called Rugohoviod.
- .The God Of Snakes and Ants called Hashithaqiovid
- .The God Of Rap , music ,entertainment and Hip-Hop called 2pacovoid.
- .The God of Speed ( metamphetamine ) and Piercings called Astroharaid.
- .The God Of Sarcasm and Motion called Enve( r )petroVoid
- .The God Of the anual guxha games tournament( 23 BC - 32 BC ) called Monohoviod.
- .The God of Ice and the owner of Antarctic (he was the most powerful God at the time.
i'ts believed that due to a crash in Rugohovoid's doughter Teutavahoid,Rikohovoid was forced to kill RugohoVioD and than latter some chickens ...but never him self .After that they lived happily to the end of their lives)
- The names are all real and none of them is fabricated
- Check:"History Of the greates fraud's of all times","The Great Rocks of Ropotova",
"The Entertainment :who Invented It?","Gjuha Shqipe per Kl.4", "Playboy :Special New Year Edition with Ulpiana Lama"
Favourite Past Times
Being the region of Europe with lowest literacy rate.
Being the region of Europe with lowest thought-per-capita.
Being rated as having the ugliest men in the world.
Being rated as having the 2nd ugliest women in the world.
Emigrating to England.
Throwing rocks at buses.
Cheating on their wives (with goats).
Bragging to their friends about how they banged a goat last night.
In 1999 Kosovo formed their first football team called Egson United,they still havn't been the champions of the Kosovan league, there was only one other team that were mostly goats. Goats came out with a strategy to eat the grass which led to Egson United players to keep falling over. They were disqualified from the Champions league for breaking goalposts to make fires,and for lynching the referee.
Gunrunning is also another way Kosovans spend their time. Although they buy 98% of their own weapons in order to stack up artillery in the quest to conquer the whole world and rename it to Greater Albania.
Sqelcximi is one of the oldest sports in the great kingdom of Kosova. The rules are simple, first man to manage gulping down 2 liters of "Broljmugzhi" (Kosovar national drink made from: Huckleberries, Grapes, Hoganus and maggots) is the winner of a leather ball made from goat.
Kosovar mottos in life
Before you start trouble with anyone make sure at least 30 of your relatives can come to your aid within 3 minutes.
Never knew donkey's could be that sexy!
Reproduce as much as possible, we gotta outnumber those Serbs!
Give your child its first name by some western leader like TONYBLAIR.
The population stands at 1,500,000 people in active duty, and another 300,000,000 potential citizens:
90% of people who think they are Albanians
4.9% People just walking through
25% Drug Traffickers
Cities of Kosovo
The main cities in Kosovo are divided in two major groups.
The first group, consisting of the cities in the original territory of Kosovo are (these are only the major cities among all):
You didn't really think they had any major cities, did you?
Wedding ceremonies usually require a fixed number of Kalashnikov rifles in order to perform the ritual of "happy shooting" or shooting in the air until you have no more rounds left. The usual ratio for required Kalashnikov's is one for every ten people attending the wedding celebration, but in cases where Kalashnikov's can't be brought because of the presence of KFOR it is recommended to use regular pistols at a ratio of 5 for every 10 people.
Each time a boy has reached manhood (the age of 7) he is taken to a mountain where he is forced to have sex with a goat and rape his sister (optional, but mainly practiced). On that night the boy will be entitled the full privileges of every grown man.
When a Kosovar female reaches puberty or in Kosovo referred to as (Zrelo'z Bebo) at the age of 9, she is ready for her first marriage. Usually one of the male cousines is chosen by the father as her husband, but brother can do too.
Shpeqmuri is one of the oldest and least known about traditions from Kosovo. It takes place after the annual pigslaughter festival. Young boys collect the testicles of slaughtered pigs and throw them at sleeping girls, it is belived that the girl who wakes up from a pig testicle hitting her face will be your third wife.
Other traditions include: Ceremonial mafia parties, where new members are admitted; Rioting; Violent protest's; Uprisings.
Matiqani Open - is an international tournaments in Guxhas, which takes place from 1-5 May of every year. The Guxhas' teams from all over the world compete for the Grand-Prix , which is a pack of 30 prostitutes (10 from Moldova, 10 goats and 10 cows) , Plus 30$ cash for each member of the team. This activitiy is always supported financially by ministry of youth and sports of Kosovo.
G-Land "gettin' high" Fest is and international event, which takes place in east of Kosovo, in the city called G-Land (Gnjilane), where marihauan consumers compete in individually and collective category. The prize is all-life weed for free for the winners, donated by Amsterdam - Tirana Connection LTD.
Kosovo's national sport is guxhas. It is played in team of 21 people where one is the guxha and others are players. The guxha's have to stand naked while the players hit him on genitals with a unshaped piece of wood. Guxha's are prefered to be from Albanian ethnic majority living in Kosovo. The Guxha must remember to say "Guxha" to win, or die to lose. The sport has a very high fatality rate, since the Guxha is usually too stupid to remember what he needs to say. Therefore the Olympics are never planning to host in Kosovo.