L. Ron Hubbard

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about L. Ron Hubbard.
Luafata plays no-holds-barred. NIGGA!

L Ron contemplating the universe.

Luafata Roni'i "Samoan Tiger" Hubbard ( born April 1st, 1983 in Sector V-SG, Metchusua Blargia Universe ( UTC ) ) is an American football player and popular folk singer-songwriter.

Early Life and College Career[edit]

Luafata was first discovered by notable USC college scout Harvey Wellington while playing a game of Rugby on a small field in his hometown. Wellington commented on his ferocious tackling style and ability to read the game, hence his nickname "The Samoan Tiger"

Hubbard was shipped to the United States to begin his College football career at USC. His freshmen year was spent learning the game of football, a far lesser game than Rugby and excessive partying where many of his schoolmates would say that he would tackle his social life equally as ferociously as he would on gameday.

His second year at USC is where the Samoan Tiger really came of age, before his first game, coach Tits McGee famously spoke the words "Unleash the Beast" which became a phrase synonymous with L. Ron. The Tiger played exceptionally well but his team was humbled 30-17.

Problems arose mid-season when Luafata began to miss training sessions and team meetings due to his lack of concentration and party hard attitude. His grades were also on the decline. Hubbard was cut from the team for the rest of the season, which doomed USC to bottom table status. McGee was replace by Denzel Washington who the school board believed to be inspirational.

Hubbard thrived under his new coach and led the team his third year in tackles and sacks. Gaining the attention of several NFL teams.

After USC finished the season modestly, L. Ron Hubbard decided it was time to leave California and get in touch with his roots. On the plane back to Apia he began writing his first folk ballads, which formed the basis of Scientology. He released two CDs Tiger Within and Unleash It to moderate success and plans to release more in future. After soul searching it was time to enter the NFL Draft.

NFL[edit]

L. Ron Hubbard was taken in the fifth round by the Decatur Staleys due to his absence from the sport.

It didn't take long for Hubbard to get back on his feet in the game. Punishing players from the position of LeftOutsieBackFrontSide backer with his massive "Island style" tackling technique ( torpedoing headfirst into the offensive players ).

Luafata put up monster stats for a rookie and appeared in many KFC advertisements, to which his parents and grandparents were very proud. Hubbard is an inspiration to many. With his new found fame he was able to build his religion even more.

The Staleys had a promising future with Luafata "Samoan Tiger" Roni'i Hubbard anchoring their defense... But no one would ever expect the horrible truth that was in progress behind the closed doors of team meetings and group showers.

The team would continue to aggrivate, annoy, pester, and disgust L. Ron day in and day out, twisting his mind, almost on the brink of commiting suicide. During these times ( as L. Ron realized that religion = money ), L. Ron would keep himself alive by practicing experiments on innocent bystanders - he would kidnap them and be forced into crazy experiments L. Ron had taken into knowledge while attending college.

In the past it seemed as though these alligations were false, but in recent history, proof has been documented of one experiment, number 45 to be exact. It is uncertain of how many other experiments had been practiced.

L. Ron had stayed alive long enough to get kicked out of the NFL after giving his coach elephantitis, and through a stable mind, gone on to finish his books and make what is now known as the Church of Scientology.

L. Ron Hubbard during his days with the JLA

Where is L. Ron now?[edit]

No one is quiet sure. Some say he has died many years ago but there have been reports of him being sited with Captain Crunch. Other people have also claimed to see him in jigsaw puzzles once they are completed, but both of these claims are unconfirmed. Another theory is that his mind left his body and possessed Tom Cruise, the process destroyed the logic portion of Tom's brain.