LaVeyan Vegetarianism

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LeVeyan Vegetarianism is a religion created by Wanton Salad LaVey in 1966. It teaches that everyone is in fact, their own meat, and that no one should listen to anyone else's meat. This religion is not to be confused with the Church of Veganism; which worships Satan.

LaVeyan Vegetarianism LeVeyan Gods.jpg
Associated organizations

Prominent figures
Wanton Salad LaVey | "Bob the Tomatoe" Barton

Associated concepts
"You are your own Meat" | Plantagram

The Church and its Creator[edit]

Wanton Salad LaVey, born Farly Fuddpucker, (April 11, 1930 – October 29, 2501) was the founder and High Priest of the Church of Vegetables as well as a writer, gymnast, musician, and shoe salesman. He was the author of The Vegetable Bible and the founder of LaVeyan Vegetarianism, a synthesized system of his understanding that every human being should follow this one principle- "You are your own meat."

Magic in LaVeyan Vegetarianism[edit]

LaVeyan Vegetarians believe in magic; that is, the ability to alter the destiny and taste of soy tofu to any of their desires and needs. This magic may include mystical ingredients such as spices, and seasonings. Bob the Tomatoe, a respected member of the church, made the statement that "Our magic is so powerful, we can make this soy bean look and taste like a turkey. Just you watch.". His statement has been since proven to be true, though everything still generally tastes like chicken and not turkey.

Sacrifice in LaVeyan Vegetarianism[edit]

LaVeyan Vegetarians practice ceremonies in which they rip the skin off of fruits and burn the carcass. Unlike the Church of Veganism, they eat the carcass. PETA, a denomination of the Church of Vegetables follows the same practice, except by substituting fruits with people.

Famous Members[edit]

LaVeyan Vegetarianism has a lot of famous members in the church, and they were quite proud to announce in December of 2007 that they had 2 famous members, making the church population a ground-breaking 5.

Pamela Anderson (Lee?)[edit]

Pamela Anderson is one of the most memorable members of the church. Responsible for liberating over 1,000,000 steaks from starving children in Ethiopia, and donating 12 ears of corn to the church picnic, she made her mark on the church's effort to keep meat away from those who don't know better. She was disbarred from the church in the late 90's after discovering her porn video with Tommy Lee. According to high priests, the video had proven that she "...eats too much meat to be in our church.", and that "...the roast beef she was hiding between her legs is the last straw". Pamela Anderson claims that she still practices the teachings of the church even while disbarred, though she has become more liberal on her meat eating practices, as she is currently dating Rick Salomon; a sausage taco stuffer from Paris.

Other Famous Members[edit]

The Church of Vegetables lied regarding its famous member count... There's only 1 famous member, and she got disbarred.