Lebanon

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lebanon.

The Lebanese Republic of Lebanon ( Arabic: الجمهوريه اللبنانيه ), originally: The French Republic of Le Banon ( Frenchenese: "La République française de Le Banon" ), is rumored to be a smallish Arabish country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. Its cabital is Bteghrine, praise be to Allah. It was is known for general civil unrest. Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a famous reputation of being a very peaceful country which attracts millions of tourists every year for Israelians bomb target practice. Ancient legened predicts that Lebanon will be the birthplace of the anti-christ and the next Elvis Presley.


Episcomology[edit]

Lebanon is considering moving their military baracks to the chip shop near to Nina's Newsagents... The word Lebanon is thought to have originated from a misspelling of the authentic name Lebalon. The original name ( a popular word for "white" in Pre-Cambrian Yiddish ) is probably a reference to the yogurt Lebanesi people are thought to use in archaic mating rituals. While the exact origins of the word Lebalon are unknown, it has been conclusively proven that this word is merely a scrambling of the word Ban On Le ( pronounced Ban On Le ), which is the name of a famous Martian spa, adding further credence to the theory that the Lebanesi people descend from Matrians. We have recieved an information leak from Aymans dad ( primeminister- also a member of hezbolah ) that they are planning on a slight change on the world map. They are considering changing the shading of lebanon to black ( all 2.5 mm of it ). Ayman an official name in lebanon which means 'Slave' lives in warwick avenue. Ayman is known to be a royal but lives in warwick in disguise, it has been said that he has done starjumps whilst getting jacked in the warwick estate.... 'Thats not a good thing!'. He 's been known to dodge bombs so he is quite fast... And if you ever go looking for the ugly alien, he can be found up nadirs ass.

Population[edit]

Prominent Lebanese citizens include: Casey Kasem, Alex Rayes, Philippe Bigass, Thierry 'immature' Yazbeck, Abu Riad el 3azizeh, Klinger from M.A.S.H. and The Guy who did the voices on Scooby Doo

Famous people of Lebanese ancestry: Abu el Abed, Salma Hayek, Narwal Al Zoghbi, Ulysses, Genghis Khan, DJ DIO (the king of the 4AM Psychedelic Melodic Acid Techno), Omar Sharif, Snoop Dogg, Hamlet, zaber zubayr, Mazen Matta (to some a great man... to most a GOD), Joe Hasbany, ommak, bayyak, dan mounayar the great (the guy wiz z big penis in all porn movies)

Demographics[edit]

The issue of Lebanese demographics is very complex and is in fact listed as one of the Hilbert problems ( which, incidentally, no one can solve ). Lebanesians are Arabs who believe they're French, which is the reason why they try to speak French. But their French ancestry has been found to be non-existant.

Other Lebanesians consider themselves as being direct descendants of the Phoenicians which they use to validate their right to adopt the cultural trends of the Romance territories their ancestors colonized. Emerging trends include the extrapolation of "Al Pacino" shawarma franchise chains and the emergence of an exotic naming system that includes the use of exotic first names like Michel, Mario and Ricardo. It is mostly agreed upon in broad terms that Lebanon is a Christian majority, with Catholics making up 117% of the population. Muslims occupy the remaining 85%. Minorities such as Armenians and Martians are estimated to consitute 0.005% of the population. Despite sectarian differences, Lebanesians of all creeds are striking similar in their desire for cosmetic perfection along the lines of plastic surgery. This rising business field now accounts for 68% of the nation's total GDP and is critical to the restoration of its former economic "golden" era where Shylock's two shekels weren't valuable enough to buy out the country. This fashion trend is statistically related to the further genetic blending of Lebalon's new generation of "Brown Big-Noses" TM ( Copyright infringement of this is trademark punishable by death ) where the reparation of crooked nasal cavities is socially encouraged as a means to look more comparable to Europeans. Nose jobs are also shown to be popular amongst the Lebanese male populations where a startling 99.7% stated they'd choose a free operation over a £5 million ( lira ) gift certificate from Mexx. Lebanon has a widespread diaspora all around the globes, with an estimated 1 billion Lebanese natives in Brazil alone, nearly half the country's population.

Map of Lebanon

History[edit]

It is still a matter of dispute among archeologists whether the first to exist was Lebanon, or the Lebanese.

The origin of the people of Lebanon is debated till today. Most historians believe that The Crusades had killed many of the Martians in the holy land, therefore fleeing north to a land called Lebanon. This land was rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt. Many believe that the Great Lebanese Empire was created with Lebanons resources.

In the first century BC, Lebanon was the center of rule of the Great Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the coins led to inner unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Lebanese Empire, two days after its rise.

In 789, lesbianism was invented by Ellen DeGeneres, due in part to a shortage of men. Since then, every year about a dozen lesbians flock to Beirut to repair random SUVs, in tribute to this occasion.

Beirut 1976, a man was seen juggling two cats and a pie using his feet, an event that was considered so unconventional by many, which gave rise to the riot that was later to be the Civil War of 1975. Battles often took the form of Counter Strike rounds.

By 1984 the first Lebanese Moon Base was established on the moon, this was succeeded in 1985 by the fifth Lebanese Moon Base on Mars. The Lebanese often claimed all the Martian bases are belonging to them, and that they had plenty of Zigs to defend against any Martian attack. Later, the Martians, tired of grokking the old Fifth Planet, sued Lebanon for genocide of their own race.

Today, millions of people claim to have spotted Lebanon in many South American rainforests. Cattle mutilations, and laser-thin accurate bites on domestic animals have been found all over Southeast Asia, New Jersey, and Peru. Some people say if you concentrate hard enough on a sunset, you can still see the forgotten land Lebanon in the horizon. Others say if you stare too much at a sunset you can go blind.

lebanon is no dounbt the 'greatest country of all time', not only was Paul Khoury born and bred there but also it has the cedar tree, which is the best tree in the world. It is green with a brown stump, not many tree's have this type of color. Any way like I was saying lebabon has its greatest Hero paul khoury he is sxc, fast and he is the best person in the world.

2006 Israeli-Hezbollah-Syria-Iran-US-Lebanon-Martian Conflict[edit]

Friendly IDF warning sign. Lebanon, circa 1983

In July 2006, an operation was executed when Lebanon kicked Isreals ass by the nudist/terrorist circle Hezbullah simultaneously on the Israeli and the Lebanese side of the border. Neutral Martian observers claim that the operation took place in outer space, but more biased ones insist that the Lebanese-Martian border was also violated. Two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped and/or captured and/or siezed and/or escorted and/or sodemized to jail. The Israeli PM, Walmart, was pissed off and decided to kill everyone in Lebanon. More crazy people in the Israeli governement concurred. Eventually about 1000 Lebanese and 50 Israelis got exploded, along with Lebalon's infastructure. Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbullah for the conflict, especially that several eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbullah's self use of internationally-banned KY-gel on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war.

Defence Capabilities[edit]

A pair of Lebanese army officials heavily armed and prepared to defend their country

Lebanon has a very capable fighting force. It's military might was recently demonstrated against Isreali aggression, with Hezbullah standing by. The Lebanese army valiantly defended Beirut airport, national infrastructure such as bridges and roads and the homes of its citizens, beating Isreal back to jewland. As a prominent Lebanese general noted: "WE beat 'em and we beat 'em good. Those jews might be rich, but soldiers they are not!". In response Mr Ollymert stated "MONEY MONEY MONEY! WAR WAR WAR!" as he hopped around the press conference, flailing his arms. Lebanon is also one of the first countries to harness nuclear capbilities, as evidenced by the 24/7 electricity services. Lebanon has occasionally threatened to use nuclear weapons against massive Israeli attacks and widespread Kitten Huffing cults.

Trivia[edit]

  • Half of Lebanons population resides in Broadmeadows, a place in Australia
  • The people of Lebanon are often refered to as Lebs or Lebos
  • The average lebanese male has a beard by the age of 8, and will be playing in the under 14's age group of football with a fake birth certificate