“The concoction was simply divine in the best way possible”
~ Oscar Wilde on Lemonade
Lemonade is the collected urine from the animal known as a lemon. The urine is then mixed with sugar and consumed by humans as part of a ritualistic offering to Satan. Black people often drink lemonade in hopes of turning white like Michael Jackson. Excessive consumption is linked to lower immunity and syphillis.
The Back Story
Lemonade's sole use is fuel for the kittens in the Human vs. Kitten War. In 1939, at its height, the Kitten Mob of New Jersey, started underground lemonade factories and sold it on the black market to other potential kitten "hit teams". The lemonade would give them a temporary boost of power, similar to the rush humans get when they intake caffeine. They also occasionally received superpowers, such as invisibility, super-stealth mode, and an unnamed ability to crap their own body weight. In Soviet Russia they are developing a nationalistic propagana drink called Leninade which is being derived from its fuel for kittens. This drink when completed will have the exact same use as the fuel for kittens except for humans. Also due to the Russian Revesal will have humans become fuel for Leninade.
How Kittens Made Lemonade
When lemonade was first discovered to aid kittens, they exploited it, much like cats would. Their first recipies included:
- 3 lemons
- 20 tablespoons of sugar
- 1 gallon of water
- A pinch of Love
- Fish semen ( preferably the Pete Burns Lip variety )
Although recent mixtures have included multiple shots of vodka, uranium, and gasoline.
At first kittens were reluctant to use lemonade as a fuel, because of the nasty side effects of X-treme diarrhea ( X-treme is worse than the normal extreme ). However, they found a solution to this little problem--sniffing black pepper. Since pepper causes one to sneeze, and the lemonade caused X-treme diarrhea, the two effects canceled out.
Since lemons have become harder to come by ( thanks to the British middle class ), kittens have started to turn to black market lemons, or the controversial new blue lemonade.
Lemonade is, first and foremost, used as a fuel for kittens. What kind of fuel, you may ask? well i like to masterbate kittys on a regular basis Well, mainly it is used much like human Gatorade, but much more potent, giving increased speed, strength, intelligence, and sexual powers. Yet, some experts think this just may be a placebo effect.
The effects of the newer blue lemonade are still being researched, but due to the recently observed effect of head explosion in weak humans and dogs, blue lemonade is looking more like a potential weapon, than an energy drink.