“Leprechauns are my favorite play things!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Leprechauns
Leprechauns are little magical hoppity green creatures commonly confused with the Irish. Although by and large most of them are, in fact, Irish, most Leprechauns deny any connection to the Emerald Isle, preferring to claim they are of French Hugenot, Huron Indian, or Nubian descent.
Leprechauns are not to be confused with little people, them what used to be known in some parts as midgets. Many a lusty battle of shortness and harsh language has been fought between these bitter rivals at teeny tiny bars across the world.
Attributes and characteristics
The Leprechauns were the indigenous people of Ireland until they all died out due to the massive tidal wave caused when Atlantis sank. The only Leprechauns left now are urban Leprechauns who bear as much resemblance to the real thing as Santa Claus does to the Tooth Fairy. Your average urban Leprechaun is a cunning bastard and will take anything that hasn't been nailed down by a nail gun. Contrary to popular belief if you catch one of them you will not get three wishes or a pot of gold you will only get a very sore crotch. Leprechauns are of the genus Irishia weia notia
Saddam Hussein is said to be of Leprechaun blood and did once live in Ireland before Graduating from Evil University and becoming a dictator whose only aim was to destroy all Jews (ALLAH AKBA) as they always seem to want to. Saddam has managed to create an ultimate rainbow that instead of hiding his pot of gold hides his weapons of mass destruction. Aaron Zaccaria of Maryland happens to be a certified Leprechaun. Like all Leprechauns he is able to wiggle his ears as well as be very short in stature.
Back in the middle ages, a race of short stout folk who enjoyed eating pies and drinking beer ( not to be confused with the Welsh! ) received word of a mass of gold at an end of a rainbow. They set out on a quest a band of about 10,000 or so they named them selves Leprechauns for it was the funniest name they could think of at the time. They waited until it had rained and they followed what seemed to be an endless rainbow, however the rainbow did end after a long trek it ended in a small town on the furthest point to the east of Russia. They gathered the gold and placed them on their ponies and headed home.
They stayed in Moscow and buried some of the gold there. To do this they dragged the end of the rainbow with them and planted it in its new home of Moscow town centre. They stayed in Moscow for about two weeks. During this time a group of Cornish Fire Pixies got news of the Leprechauns escapade they raced out to Moscow to confront them. The leader of these Pixies, Chief Littleflyingfuck, confronted the Leprechauns. Records state that this was the first time they were called Leprechauns as the Pixies can't speak properly. After a short argument lasting 5 days ( this was short for Pixies as the longest recorded argument lasted 4 months ) a battle ensued causing death for many Pixies and Leprechauns alike.
The Leprechauns were victorious in this fight and made their way to Cornwall to rape and pillage the lands of the Pixes. Many female Pixies became impregnated and children were produced. Each of the children were the size of Pixies yet wore green and spoke with an Irish accent. The Pixie mothers would have kept them but for one defect each and everyone was ginger. The Leprechauns stayed with the Pixies for a while, however they all died of as they caught AIDS.
They left the news and knowledge to their children ( who were called Leprechauns by their mothers ) as to where the gold was kept thus they gathered the gold and took most of it to Ireland leaving some of it in Moscow.