Libya

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Libya.


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This article may have been censored by His Excellency, Robert Mugabe.

What's that? you don't agree with my official policies? You're trying to undermine
Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION!

CAPITALIST PIGS! CRACKERS! GUARDS, GO GET 'EM!!!
The Typically Long Official Country Name of Revolutionary Socialist or Communist States which is Libyanese Arab Forest-green Great Socialist Arab Jeremiah
Flag of Libya Coat of Arms of Libya
( Flag ) ( Coat of Arms )
National Motto: "Definition Makes the Terrorist; also "What Are You Lookin' At?"
National Anthem: "Colonel Qaddafi Had A Farm"
Official language Arabic ( 45% ), mute ( 55% ); most Libyans are too afraid to say anything in public
Capital Tripoli, previously Monopoli and Dipoli; to be followed by Tetrapoli, Pentapoli etc.
Government Pluralist Dictatorship
Current Colonel Moammar Qaddafi
National Hero Moammar Qaddafi
Population 5,830,000, of which terrorists 15%, Colonels 5%, camels 25% and poor people 55%
Enjoys Sand, huge sunglasses, terrorism, Kentuckistan Fried Chicken ( despite rival Colonel )
Hates Other countries
Currency Camel dung, Qaddafi wigs
Religion Islam


"Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad - you know, he's the mad - Dang, what's it called now? I mean Colonel Qaddafi is the Evil Empire of the Middle East. No, wait. That's the Soviet Union. And it's not in the Middle East, either. What I meant to say was that Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad barking animal of the Middle East. Dog! That's it! The mad dog!"

~President Ronald Reagan on Libya's leader Qaddafi


The Libyan Great Fabulous Shiny Socialist Arab Jamaicaharharbiriya is the country next to Egypt. No, not that one! That is Isræl. On the other side. Not that one, either. That country is Sudan. Yes, that's Libya over there!


General information[edit]


Fun With FLags


Lybia.gif

Official Flag This is their real flag. No Shit.(1) We apologize for the current lack of disinformation, but we were awstruck by the sheer incompetence of their cultural ministry.


Editors Note: It is widely believed that if Libya were to make a new flag, it would look like this.      NewLibya.jpg


Politics[edit]

Libya has several supreme leaders taking turns. Each military dictator is allowed to rule one day. It is widely believed that the mother of each has refused to breast feed them due to the proven fact that camel milk has enough calcium to fuel a paedophile to lead a nation. The leaders of Libya are:


  • Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
    Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al-Gathafi
  • Colonel Muammar al-Qadhafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Mu'Ammar El Qathafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gadafi
  • Colonel Andy Riley
  • Colonel Moammar Schwarzenegger
  • Kernel Sandurz
  • Colonel Tobias Llewellyn Jones
  • Colonel Desmond Coyle
  • Colonel Moamar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Mo'ammar Gadhafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gathafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghadafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghaddafi
  • Colonel Muammer Tosser
  • Colonel Muammar Ghaddafy
  • Colonel Frankie Valli
  • Colonel Muammar Gheddafi
    Colonel Muammar Ghaddafy
  • Colonel Muhammar Gheddafi
  • Colonel Momar Kadaffi
  • Colonel Mu'amar al-Kad'afi
  • Colonel Muamar Kaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Kaddafi
  • Colonel Moammar Kadhafi
  • Colonel Armand Hammer
  • Colonel George Byrne
  • Colonel Mouammar Kadhafi
  • Colonel Moammar Kazzafi
  • Geoff Capes
  • Colonel Moammar Khadafy
  • Colonel Muammar Khaddafi
  • Colonel Moamar al-Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moamar el Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moamar El Kadhafi
  • Colonel Moamar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moamer El Kazzafi
    Colonel Moamar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Mo'ammar el-Gadhafi
  • Colonel Moammar El Kadhafi
  • Colonel Mo'ammar Gadhafi
  • Colonel Moammar Kadhafi
  • Colonel David Nicholson
  • Colonel Moammar Khadafy
  • Colonel Moammar Qudhafi
  • Colonel Mu`amar al-Kad'afi
  • Colonel Mu'amar al-Kadafi
  • Colonel Declan Lynch
  • Colonel Muamar Al-Kaddafi
  • Colonel Orville Redenbacher
  • Colonel Muamar Kaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al-Gathafi
  • Colonel Muammar al-Khaddafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar al-Qadhafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadhdhafi
  • Colonel Mu`ammar al-Qadhdhāfī
    Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadhdhafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gadafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gheddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Kaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Khaddafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Qadafi
  • Colonel Ken Sweeney
  • Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Qadhafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhafi
  • Colonel Paris Vincent Blades
  • Colonel Muammar Quathafi
  • Colonel Mulazim Awwal Mu'ammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Qadafi
  • Colonel Muammar Qadhafi
  • Colonel Neil Hannon
  • Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhāfī
  • Colonel Mu'Ammar el Qathafi
    Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhāfī in his evening gown
  • Colonel Muammar Quathafi
  • Colonel Moamar AI Kadafi
  • Colonel Keith Cullen
  • Colonel Moamar Gadhafi
  • Colonel Moamer Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moamer Kadhafi
  • Colonel Moamma Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moammar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moammar Gadhafi
  • Colonel Moammar Ghadafi
  • Colonel Moammar Khadaffy
  • Colonel Moammar Khaddafi
  • Colonel Mick McEvoy
  • Colonel Jack White
  • Colonel Henry Bigbigging
  • Colonel Moammar el Gadhafi
  • Colonel Moammer Gaddafi
  • Colonel Mouammer al Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muamar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al Ghaddafi
    Colonel Mouammer al Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moammar Qudhafi
  • Colonel Maummar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Al Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gadafy
  • Colonel Hank Tree
  • Colonel Muammar Gaddhafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gadhafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghadaffi
  • Colonel Muammar Qadthafi
  • Colonel Muammar al Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar el Gaddafy
  • Colonel Muammar el Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammer Gadaffi
  • Colonel Muammer Gaddafi
    Colonel Omar Mouammer Al Gaddafi
  • Colonel Mummar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Omar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Omar Mouammer Al Gaddafi
  • Colonel Omar Muammar Al Ghaddafi
  • Colonel Harland D. Sanders
  • Colonel Muammar El Qaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gadaffi
  • Colonel Omar Muammar Al Qaddafi
  • Colonel Omar Muammar Al Qathafi
  • Colonel Omar Muammar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Omar Muammar Ghaddafi
  • Colonel Omar al Ghaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Gaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghadafi
  • Colonel Omar bin Camel Ghadafi
    Colonel Omar bin Camel Ghadafi
  • Colonel Moamar El Gaddafi
  • Colonel Moammar El Kadhafi
  • Colonel Moamer El Kazzafi
  • Colonel Muamer Gadafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghaddafi
  • Colonel Muammar Ghaddafy
  • Colonel Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel
  • Colonel Hiroshima Twinkie
  • Colonel Stig Bubblecard
  • Colonel Johnny Hellzapoppin`
  • Colonel Luke Duke
  • Colonel Billy Ferry
  • Colonel Chewy Louie
  • Colonel John Hoop
  • Colonel Hairycake Linehan
  • Colonel Rebulah Conundrum
  • Colonel Peewee Stairmaster
  • Colonel Tighthead Lips
  • Colonel Jemima Racktool
  • Sir Toss Alot
  • Colonel Jerry Twig
  • Colonel Spodo Komodo
  • Colonel Cannabranna Lammer
  • Colonel Mitch Bukenon
  • Colonel Adrian Frank Hirst
  • Colonel Tina Turner
  • Dame Colonel Thora Hird
  • Colonel Monorail Cat
  • Conrade Colonel David Mitchell
  • Colonel Jerry Falwell
  • Senator Abdullah Bongfasa

Note: due to the recent legalisation of civil partnerships in Libya, many of these names are subject to change really soon.

History[edit]

Ancient history[edit]

Libya has a long history of mutual hatred with several historical superpowers, including Ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire, Italy, and the United States. Italy has never actually been a superpower, so it is funny to classify it as one. The great Egyptian Pharaoh Ramesses II described the Libyan leader Mamaris Khadafis as "the mad jackal of the west" in his grand obelisk erected approximately 1260 B.C.

Roman legions conquered Libya in 100 B.C., earning their empire the hatred of the Libyan rebel leader Marius Gadafius, who accused the Roman republic of imperialism. Later, one of his grandchildren, Gaius Marius Gadafius, accused Imperial Rome of imperialism. These accusations were ignored, because Imperial Rome was considered to be imperialist by definition. The Romans described the Libyan leaders as "the insane dogs of the south".

Modern history[edit]

A couple of centuries after the fall of the Roman Empire, Arab armies conquered Libya, introducing the new hip habit of Islamic extremism to the country. After this, nothing worth mentioning happened in nine centuries. In the 16th century, Solomon the Magnificent, Sultan of the Turks, conquered all North Africa but Morocco and since then Lybia became a safe haven for pirates and anti-imperialist terrorists until the 19th century saw the country being occupied and colonized by Italy. This tells any educated reader that Libyans were not too great as fighters. The era of Italian rule left Libya with an improved road network and a tradition of military leaders following the example set by Benito Mussolini. Plus, the Italian colonization also explains why so many Lybian people and places have Italian names, like Khadafi, Tripoli, Benghazi etc.

The Green Coup Revolution[edit]

After the Second World War, Libya emerged as an independent kingdom led by H.M. King Idris. Colonel Qaddafi and his Colonel colleagues ousted the King in the Green Revolution of 1969. The Libyan people had grewn weary of the despotic King and his tyrannic style of rule and wanted to give a chance to a league of despotic colonels and their tyrannic style of rule. History has shown that Libyans are more fond of a Revolutionary military dictatorship than a Royal military dictatorship.

After the revolution, Libya has been a staunch supporter of Arab nationalism. Because of this, Libya has been at odds with the outside world from time to time.

In 1985, for example, Libyan terrorists gunned down the greatest scientist of our time, Emmett Brown. Great Scott! All he did was steal their plutonium. Thankfully Marty McFly was able to go back in time and reverse these tragic events, so they never really happened. But he almost had to make out with his own mom! Actually, the year 1955 wasn't so bad except for all the manure.

Libya has contributed greatly to the improvement of air travel security after benevolently proving in 1988 just how easy it is - in theory - to smuggle a bomb aboard a passenger jet and to detonate it in mid-air above, say, Scotland, killing everybody on board and a few on the ground. This generous initiative was inspired by the way the United States proved how easy it is to bomb the capital city of an irritating country.

Libyan national flag, adopted in 1977 and designed by Colonel Qaddafi and his colleagues, is a lasting testament to the creativity and genius of the Libyan dictators.

A tradition has developed whereby each colonel to rule the country chooses another description to add to the official name of the country. Today it's called the Bright Green Socialist Democratic Desert Almighty Arab Libyanese United Jamahardyharhar Thingistan. The original idea was to put the name on the flag, but the seamstresses all preferred to be executed rather than be fagged with that lot.

Practices[edit]

Fighting is the national past-time of Libya. It is generally considered in good taste to fight one's host upon entering their home. If someone says something particularly amusing or agreeable, it is proper not to say "Haha!" or "I concur," but, instead, to fight. If one meets a long lost relative or friend in the street, it is considered rude not to fight them. It is commonplace to fight both parties to show that one is happy for both parties for ahving found each other. If a relative dies, friends console the grieving relatives by fighting them and the corpse. Libyans, coincidentally, measure time in fights, as one occurs on the hour, every hour, in the town square. There is one town square in Libya, located in the city of Benghazi.

Illegal practices[edit]

You could be jailed or executed for doing certain things in Libya. On the other hand, you could also be jailed or executed for not doing certain things in Libya. The worst offenders are deported from the country. This has caused even more people to break the law.

Illegal practices in Libya include:

  • riding a 6-wheeled wheel barrow
  • failing to hate American Imperialists
  • failing to hate Zionist Imperialists
  • failing to see the sense in strengthening African unity by offending everybody else
  • failing to regard the Colonel Dictators as handsome despite their horrenduos sunglasses and other features
  • failing to own the Green Book authored by Colonels Qaddafi, Al-Gathafi, al-Qadhafi etc.
  • speaking with foreign reporters, especially with those who have cameras (This law, passed by Colonel Moammar Khadaffy, intends to prevent the Libyan public from losing their souls to the 'magic box' known as camera)
  • speaking with family members
  • speaking with strangers
  • failing to be happy
  • complaining, or unpatriotic whining putting the unity of Africa and the entire Arab world at stake, as it is properly called

Eclipse of the Sun[edit]

On March 29 2006 a solar eclipse ocoured in Libya. Quadaffi decided to let Americans in on this day as a way of raising funds by having Americans pay taxes. These taxes included:

  • Camera Tax
  • Video Camera Tax
  • Tourism Tax
  • Tax for being in Libya on the day of an eclipse
  • Tax for viewing an eclipse
  • Tax for Breathing
  • Tax for being American
  • Tax for using toilet
  • Tax for farting
  • Tea Tax
  • Stamp Tax
  • Transportation Tax
  • Tax for leaving
  • Tax for Speaking Engish
  • Tax for not speaking Aribic

External links[edit]

Colonel Quackbiscuit's blog