Macarena

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The Macarena is a dance craze originating in the late 1800's, but didn't find popularity in the U.S. until the late '90's. The song was written by Satan and performed by two of his most willing servants, Los Lobos.

Meaning of the Dance[edit]

The dance, originally done as a satanic ritual by popular wiccan cults around 1880, channels demons from hell to inhabit human souls so their will can be done on earth without suspicion from fellow humans. Pioneers of the dance were immediately brought to court and ordered to hang without much of a trial. Witches and warlocks continued doing the dance despite threats from neighbors and enforcement officials, which ultimately resulted in the termination of all living practitioners of witchcraft. As a result, the dance was forgotten until Satan caused it to re-emerge after purchasing the soul of David Hidalgo at a celebrity auction in West Hollywood for a hefty price of 37,000 pesos. Of course, 37,000 pesos is nothing to Satan, since he owns several peso-printing plants within the depths of hell.

Damage[edit]

By doing the Macarena, you are causing a ripple in the spiritual dimension, causing it to temporarily merge with the three dimensions we live in and allowing spirits, both good and bad, to wander into Earth. Since there are way more bad spirits than good ones, it was clear who benefitted from these rhythmic motions people engaged in. Demons are thus responsible for such atrocities of the late 90's like the U.S. Embassy Bombings, the Columbine High School shootings, the great Papua New Guinea Earthquake, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Total Request Live, and N'Sync. Jesus, meanwhile, took the opportunity to show his face on a loaf of bread made in Boise, Idaho.

Warning[edit]

You've been warned! Never do the Macarena, even if your life depends on it, because many others will die instead, and what kind of jerk would you be if you caused 10-20 people to die just to save your own? You selfish prick. Who could be capable of such a thing?!

Where are They Now?[edit]

Los Lobos currently resides in their penthouse mansion in hell, drinking free liquor for eternity while sucking the blood out of the brain of dead sheep. Evil sheep, too, not the good ones, because the good ones went to heaven. As for the female vocalists from the song, everybody lost track of them right after the single came out. But it's probably safe to assume they're in hell too. Just not in a penthouse suite.