Machine

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Machine.

In mechanics, a machine is a technological device that is designed to do something cool. Technologists throughout the ages have identified seven basic machines from which all other machines can be constructed.

The Seven Basic Machines from which All Other Machines Can be Constructed[edit]

  1. the screw
  2. the wing nut
  3. the wheel and hubcap
  4. the big heavy rock
  5. the pointed stick
  6. the VLSI integrated circuit
  7. duct tape
  8. an understanding of math
  9. the ability to count to 7 ( see machine 8 for more )

Chronology[edit]

The first compound machine, a big heavy rock covered with duct tape, was invented by Og the Cave Person in 500,000 BCE. Later that evening, he figured out a practical use for this peculiar contraption: clubbing baby proto-kittens for fun and profit.

The next important innovation was the Rube Goldberg Machine, coincidentally invented and patented by none other than Leonard Bernstein in 1903. Using a mere 3,141,592,653 parts ( note: some authorities say 3,141,592,655 ), it was the first machine ever built that could successfully peel a tangerine by the power of thought alone.

Microbiology is no longer considered a machine.