Michael Moore

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Michael Moore.


Michael Moore's bestselling book

Michael Moore is a greasy, unamerican, sweaty, ignorant, non-bathing, hat wearing, fart sniffing, lying, over-eating, and incredibly stupid piece of shit. It is said that his stupidity is rivaled only by that of French-Canadian Hippies. Anyone who disputes this is a homosexual retard. Any questions?

Quick Biography of Michael Moore: Winner of over 17 hot dog eating championships, also the founder of the anti-American hate group "ferocious angry totalitarians" and his ass was once used to provide heat for the entire state of Colorado. Moore is now in a committed homosexual relationship with Rush Limbaugh. The two are frequently sited off the coast of South Carolina conducting 'saylor operations'.

At one time, Michael Moore was the most powerful man on Earth. He used his power to preform a hostile takeover of Marvel comics and Burger King. However in recent months his authority has begun to diminish. Many suspect his downfall first became apparent when he was outfarted by animated family man Peter Griffin in a Rhode Island public restroom in September of 2005. It is rumored that this eventually led to his chronic alcoholism and pædophilia. Sometimes he visits orphanages and competes with Michael Jackson on the freshest meat.

A song composed by William Riker states repeatedly that "Michael Moore plays the xylophone", which he did for many years until arthritis forced him to stop. Michael Moore is also credited among various niches scattered about the Internet with being one of the few men to continue the time-honored tradition of wearing a monocle.

One of the defining points in Moore's life occurred during the filming of his first movie, a documentary about safety hazards. He was filming the dangerousness of the structural integrity in a local lard factory, claiming that the small catwalks that the employees used to get around the factory were old and dangerous. His teacher, O.B. Simpson, was with him. Sometime during the filming process, Moore confessed to his teacher that he had gone over to the dark side of the force, starting a light saber battle. Moore lost, and fell into one of the fat storage tanks. When he emerged, he was Darth Hater, a hideous bloated creature that was more lard than man.

For the younger years of his second life, Michael Moore was primarily regarded as a celebrated historian known for the truth and accuracy of his works. He is famously obese, and is a high-profile follower of Richard Simmons, for reasons unknown. A devout supporter of George W. Bush ( the President ), the President's bush, and his fellow patriotic citizens, Moore no longer maintains a high reputation for the accuracy and impartiality even toward sensitive subjects regarding the President's bush, and is now known for his lies and deciet. His most famous works include Ronald and Me, a documentary about his relationship with Ronald McDonald, Dude, Where's My Wiener?, Bowling With Columbus, Fahrenheit 7-11, The Michael Tyler Moore Show, War & Peace and Rounders. He is rumored to be the director of the forthcoming Scooby Doo 3, despite his recent wave of merciless terror across the world's oceans.

And you thought Saddam was evil...[edit]

Michael Moore age 10

This is a documentary film which is a work in progress. Michael has been following the evil tyrant George The Merciless, ruler of Mongo, who has recently being trying to take over the universe with the help of John Kerry and Paul Wolfowitz. Michael contends that George is 100 times more evil than Saddam, but the Bush Administration plans taking over the universe ( except George Bush who George the Merciless killed ) so they are working with him instead of attacking him. Michael Moore draws comparisons with Bin Laden and Saddam’s relationship with the U.S. before they became enemies. He states that on seperate ocasions Saddam and Osama have haleped him find his penis. He is so massively fat it requires more than one person ( hopefully a guy ). There is also one unconfirmed report he also paid Bill Clinton to help him find it, along with a jar of vasaline. The problem is, if the U.S. falls out with Mongo they’ll destroy the Earth, so they the U.S. will have to tread lightly this time

Moore also has been known to get into fights with Americans. Such as his famous fart contest with Peter Griffin on the popular show "Family Guy."

Bowling With Columbo[edit]

This home video tells about Moore's covered-up relationship with the famous explorer, Columbus. It also details how an infamous cafeteria food-fight almost sunk the Santa Maria. ( Released in Asia as 'Bowling For Concubines'. )

Roger Rocks With Me[edit]

Moore at age 16.

This documentary chronicles Moore's rise to prominence in the psychedelia of 1960s Britain -- culminating in a bizarre friendship with Pink Floyd bassist and composer Roger Waters, and how it ultimately led to the band's breakup. Noted for the touching finale, where Moore bares his soul to MTV VJ Downtown Julie Brown, ending with a quiet soliloquy of Moore rapping "Young Lust" to a Casio drum machine beat.

The Michael Tyler Moore Show[edit]

This little-seen 1970's sitcom featured Moore in the lead role of Michael Richards, an savvy television producer in Minneapolis. Richards' comic misadventures pitted from his feelings of entrapment from the sexual revolution, his run-ins with hippie boss Lou Gramm, and dealing with exceptionally competent newscaster Ted Bathhouse. Unfortunately, due to his mordib obesity, he killed all other cast members and staff. It only lasted half an episode before his restraint snapped and flooded the room with meat.

Take Off, Eh![edit]

This movie concerning the 1997 invasion of America by Canada and the defense of our borders under the command of Mrs. Danny DeVito, won Moore high praise for its sensitive portrayal of the veterans who died in that war, and for once again showing what a rotten President Alan Alda was.

Rounders[edit]

This movie filmed as a documentary explores the seamy underground world of Texas Hold Em Poker. Moore follows a group of poker players around New York City's illegal Bingo and Card Clubs. Worm, Knish, KGB and Grama play major roles.

Donuts Are Delicious[edit]

Michael Moore, after 19 months on a diet. In this picture, he has lost over 529 pounds Moore and his camera crew sample donuts from every shop in the United States and stand outside the corporate offices of Winchell's and Krispy Kreme in a nearly toxic sugar rush, shouting unintelligible things through a bullhorn. Not one of his better efforts, although it was awarded the Academy Award© for best performance by an actor with three donuts on his wiener.

Where is Michael Moore today?[edit]

As the years wore on, Michael Moore became increasingly embittered and spiteful towards the world. While his friends attributed this to a string of disasters that left Moore's beloved Republican Party in shambles ( which would culminate during George W. Bush's infamous "epiphany" that the term born-again Christian must be literal, and his subsequent attempt to claw his way back into his mother's womb on live television ), the true reason for Moore's tragic fall may never be known, as he soon moved into an abandoned missile silo on the outskirts of Albert Lea, Minnesota and became a hermit, fiercely shunning all human contact for several years.

The next period of Michael Moore's life is poorly documented and largely shrouded in mystery. What is known, however, is that during a late December night, Moore suddenly ended his self-imposed exile from civilization by telephoning a rather surprised Alicia Keys on an urgent business matter. Although to this day, Alicia refuses to fully disclose the event in question, she has said on many occasions that Moore was determined to find a new life for himself and that his last words before embarking on his journey were the exact words to her song "Goodbye".

This incident is the basis for the semi-fictional international bestseller "Dude, Where The Hell's Michael Moore?"

Moore of Mike[edit]

After this, Moore disappeared entirely for several months before finally resurfacing in the mid-Atlantic, as a tyrannical wind-surfing pirate and member of Al Qaeda. To date, countless sea vessels have fallen under the fires of his cruel and relentless might. The precious few survivors of his attacks describe his shrill, "banshee-like" wails, and attest to his presence being forewarned by fish violently jumping from the water, as if trying to escape an "unimaginable horror".

While several military attempts have been made to end Michael Moore's brutal strangle-hold on much of the high seas, all have ended in failures as disastrous as they were bloody. Although every governing body on Earth ( with the exception of the Peruvians ) has adopted a kill-on-sight policy towards Moore, it seems that nothing short of a 50-foot radioactive lizard will halt his onslaught. His only conceivable match, Ultra Jesus, is powerless to face him due to sharing Moore's own unwavering Republican loyalty. Many consider him to be the most prolific super villain of all time.

There are also conflicting reports that suggest he may be performing in a live sex act in Amsterdam. Since many of these reports have originated from pr0n related websites, the veracity of these "sightings" is considered doubtful at best. ( Although it is commonly accepted that Bill O'Reilly does have a penis, it should be noted that his family has had a history of erectile dysfunction problems. )

Michael Moore is currently creating "Quail", a horror movie about Dick Cheney.

Michael Moore and 9-11[edit]

After the film Fahrenheit 7-11 the word was spread that Moore was one of the hijackers. This is of course incorrect! None of the passengers in the crashed planes occupied more then two seats and it is well known that Michael Moore occupies three. Furthermore both Saddam Hussein and Hugo Chavez testified under oath that Moore was in Iraq/Venezuela at the time of the attack.

Filmography[edit]

  • Pigs is Pigs ( 1937 ) ( animated short subject )
  • Animal Farm ( 1954 ) ( Napoleon the Pig )
  • The Quatermass Xperiment ( 1955 ) ( blob )
  • The Blob ( 1958 ) ( title character )
  • Ghostbusters ( 1984 ) ( Stay Puff Marshmallow Man )
  • "Fat to the Future" ( 1985 )
  • The Blob ( 1988 ) ( title character again )
  • Ronald and Me ( 1989 ) ( himself )
  • Fatman ( 1989 )
  • Fatman Returns ( 1992 )
  • Fatman Forever ( [[AD|1995] )
  • Fatman and Blobbin' ( 1997 )
  • The Big One ( 1998 ) ( himself )
  • "Fattie Farto" ( 2001 )
  • Big Fat Liar ( 2002 )
  • Bowling With Columbus ( 2002 ) ( himself )
  • Super Size This ( 2004 )
  • Fahrenheit 711 ( 2004 )
  • Family Guy, The Movie ( 2004 )
  • Team Osama: World Jihad ( 2004 ) ( himself )
  • Fatman Begins ( 2005 )
  • "F for Fatass" ( 2005 )
  • Superfat Returns ( 2006 )
  • Quail ( 2006 ) ( himself )
  • Sicko: The Day I Suffered a Heart Attack ( 2006 ) ( himself )
  • Fahrenheit 711 1/2 ( 2007 ) ( scheduled )
  • The Fat Guy ( 2008 ) ( scheduled )
  • Centigrade 7453" ( 2015 AD ) ( Predicted )

Awards and Recognition[edit]

In December 2004, Michael Moore received the coveted "Biggest Douche in the Universe Award" which he stated "is quite an honor, considering the competition."

In March 2005, his local Subway gave him a free 6 light year sub, after he single-handedly collected the necessary Sub Club tickets.

In May 2006, despite a secret sell-off of his 30,000 shares earlier that week, Michael Moore was awarded the "Stockholder of the Year" prize by Halliburton.

He also received a Grammy for doing a duet with singer meatloaf called "I would do anything for food but I won't do that, oh wait, yeah I will. I actually will do ANYTHING for food.."

Food[edit]

Some of Moore's favorite dishes are babies, cooked in tons of hot oil and smothered in barbecue sauce. He also enjoys them smothered in lard and butter. More also loves to catch McDondals trucks on the highway open up the back and dump the contents in to his mouth, this however is becoming an issue becuase he is cause road damage due to his fat. Moore has also been known to demolish entire McDonald's restauraunts and has even munched anyone who stands in his way. For dessert, he enjoys a nice glass of Cool Whip.

Other dishes he enjoys are horse penises in Tobasco, chipmunk with A1 sauce, and anything else unusual to the western palette. The only thing that is known to disgust Michael is cat fecies; not because he does not enjoy the flavor, but because it brings back memories of his father molesting him while forcing him to eat cat shit. Any other shit is fine by him.

Recent government documents shows that Michael Moore eats black babies because he is a racist. It should also be known that Michael Moore's sweat is used in the production of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Criticisms[edit]

One of two apparent consistent criticisms of Michael Moore, which is accepted by everyone as fact, is that he's a "fat liar", completely unlike his fellow Americans. Jesus Christ man, lose some weight, even with a flesh eating disease, I still look better than you do. Other people criticize him for making Osama bin Laden happy. Osama has praised him many times for his criticism of President Bush. He has also denied the existence of a terrorist threat, which also made bin Laden happy. He has also been censured after he was caught kissing Fidel Castro's behind. He also went back in time and gave a reach around to Mousallini while singing "Amazing Grace".

Another thing that shocks people about Michael Moore is his incredible self hatred, as displayed in his book Stupid White Me. Many people think that he is a self-hating masochist. This is proven by a recent suicide attempt where he tried to use a 5-mile-long knife to stab himself in the heart. Sadly, the knife was unable to reach through his flab and actually didn't even reach a single blood vessel.

Some of his not-so-horribly-truly-consistent crititcisms is that his books lie and that he is actually just Kirstie Alley's new vessel that she is just biding her time to take.

He recently broke a truck stop scale by trying to prove he was skinny to Dick Chaney.

Said by many people to lie yet it has been proven that he lies 900000% less than President Bush.

Most people who are also named Michael Moore hate him for stealing their name and being an ass.

Also Known As[edit]

Michael Moore goes by many aliases, some have been identified as: Curly Howard, Cookie Monster, Peter Jackson, Kevin Smith, Jack Black, Peter Griffin and Osama Bin Laden. and soon Kirstie Alley