Dæ Monica Lewinsky

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Monica Lewinsky.

I did not have sex with this woman

~ Bill Clinton on Tamia

The Monica Lewinsky is a man-sized box-shaped all-purpose input-device originally impounded in the White House by then President Bill Clinton. Essentially no different from the common-or-garden Vending Machine, the Monica Lewinsky was created simply by be-wigging the exterior and painting it white, adhering comedy wax lips to the input slot, pebble dashing the undercarriage, sewing it into a blue dress and wheeling out the final result before the world's most powerful man. He was powerless to resist.

The Monica Lewinsky's gaping aperture has an array of functions, including:

  • Vacuum-suction; capable of rapid bi-lateral movement
  • Worry-hole
  • Slurry-hole
  • Publicity-spout
  • That's it