Montana

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Montana.


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A state in the United States of Dæmonica

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Montana is a nonfictional US state named for footballer Joe Montana, who purchased it from the Cleveland Indians for $1 in 1976. Prior to that, the state had been owned by the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railroads, the Anaconda Copper Company, the Minnesota Twins, and the Minnesota Vikings. However, Great Northern and Northern Pacific didn't want to have to share it, so they merged to form Burlington Northern, now Burlington Northern Santa Fe, also known as "Bin Nothin' Since San Francisco". With a population of 1,090,000, and a population density of around 2 people/square mile, it will, fortunately or unfortunately, reach 2,000,000 people by the 2012 census. It should be noted that the population density of cattle in Montana is around 500/square mile and that for sheep, 234/square mile, meaning that Welsh and New Caledonia, New Zealanders like it a lot. The capital of Montana is Helena. It is a home of MONGO.

In the early seventies (or maybe, the late sixties), entrepreneur Frank Zappa, later reincarnated as Donald Trump, had plans to establish a dental floss plantation in Eastern Montana and moving the entire state to the Southern United States for the cheap labor, but somehow was unable to pull it off; adequate wax supplies were not available since Montana has relatively few oil reserves, and the public was simply not ready for a dental floss product coated in wax made of cooper, wheat chaff, or cattle and sheep byproducts.

Contrary to the claims made by countless fugly bumper stickers and belt buckles, the sky in Montana is no larger than the sky over any other state.

It is a state law that all bars in towns with poulations under 100 carry the name Mint, Stockman or Two-Bit.



The Big Montana.



Is Montana somewhere in here?... nobody knows.... Montana has also been home to the Unabomber and a group of crazy rifle-toting rednecks (aka white freedom fighters) known as the "Enslaved and Rejected Brickmasons" who wanted to establish an independent Republican, uh REDNECK utopia on desert-like land near Jordan (in Montana, not the Middle-East, but the country around this part of Montana damn sure looks like it COULD be in the Middle East). David Koresh considered relocating to Montana, but found it, "like, too crazy, man" so he and his followers stayed in Texas, a fact that reveals all you really need to know about Montana. Elizabeth Clare Prophet, who would have founded Scientology if L. Ron Hubbard hadn't thought of it first, found the state quite to her liking, however.