“It's a scientific fact that hundreds and hundreds of years ago, Jesusasaurus Rex created the universe, and that the FSM is a daemon who took possession over Alicia Keys in 2005, and that Mountain Dew is the best soft drink on earth! ”
“In Soviet Russia, Mountain Dews you!”
~ Russian Reversal on Mountain Dew
“Oh, yuck! I'll take the crab juice!”
~ Homer Simpson on Mountain Dew
“That's just some stupid hippie fad!”
~ Richard Nixon on Mountain Dew Binges
Mountain Dew is the nectar of the Gods. In the times of Ancient Greece, Zeus and company got such a buzz from the drink that they took to using the aluminum cans as masturbatory aids, thus leading to the ad campaign of "Do the Dew". In ancient Texts Mountain Dew is said to be given to newborn babies, so that they can commune with the Gods. It is considered by many in our secular age to be the "Nectar of Life." Skeptics challenge this notion, narrowing it down to one of three "Nectars of College Life."
Mountain Dew was the inspiration for the Beatles' Dew anthem "Why Don't We Dew It in the Road?". The song title is, of course, an allusion to the well-known phenomenon of cross-border trafficking into Canada of U.S.-made Mountain Dew: Canada's domestic version being notoriously and woefully void of caffeine and other nutrients found in the patented U.S. version. The secret ingredient, said to give Mountain Dew its "kick" is rumored to be duck semen.
Mountain Dew is created from a mix of Tibetan Sherpa urine and dew harvested from grass. These ingredients are collected by underaged Chinese children. As payment, the underaged Chinese children are given some Mountain Dew in order to sustain their life. The urine and dew are then fused with caffeine through the aid of Ukrainian peasants armed with superpowers since Chernobyl who sit around a large bowl swishing the urine and dew. The peasant spit is added to carbonated water and the drink is sold worldwide. A dash of old anti-freeze ( and you wondered what they do with that stuff ) and voilà, Mountain Dew!
Mountain Dew makes a perfect substitute for plasma if a patient is losing blood quickly. While saving numerous lives, this has lead to an outbreak of Dew addicts, whose addiction can only be ended by the elusive Red Bull, much like methadone for heroin addicts. The record BMDP ( Blood Mountain Dew Percentage ) is 96%: This is held by a monk living on a desert island in the China Sea.
Mountain Dew also makes a refreshing enema. This can be either chilled or heated for effect or as a matter of personal preference.
Mountain Dew can refer to a bad joke about Dolly Parton sweating.
Mountain Dew, a unique chemical, can also be used as a commercial grade lubricant, can be compressed into small cubical containers and used as a highly potent explosive, or be used as a highly potent spermicide, which is known by junior high kids all around the world, decreasing the sperm counts of America's youth. It can be given both acidic or basic properties by the amount of urine mixed into the substance, and at certain temperatures becomes sentient. When this occurs, experts suggest we welcome our new carbonated overlords.
Mountain Dew, often abused by truckers and computer programmers alike, sometimes is referred to only with the street moniker "ambrosia". At times of PepsiCO having severe restrictions in water procurement due to Great Lakes water preservation laws, other fluids have been substituted including ( but not limited to ): mountain goat ejaculate, Grandma's tears, and Olestra. Long term effects from consumption are not fully realized due to the pending research by the Food and Drug Administration.
Mountain Dew, is also used for a high burst of energy for people who don't like coffee. It is often used by gamers who plan on gaming all night, and binge more MD than 80 drunks with an infinite supply of booze. This often leads to hyperactiveness. Which means, driving everyone around you freaking crazy with your annoying antics caused by Mountain Dew. This can only be cured by large amounts of cocaine.
Surge is the only known drink that has more caffeine than MD, although drinking surge could cause you to generate enough energy to propel yourself to the moon and back twelve times.
Mountain Dew's magical qualities were discovered during the epic battle in which Jesus took down the evil Stay Puft Man with the aid of Captain America. Despite many lives being lost in the process, eventually Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's weakness was revealed, and Jesus drank three irradiated reservoirs of Mountain Dew and urinated all over Stay Puft Man to destroy him and tear him in half. One of the halves went on to become Adolf Hitler and the other became Australia.
Mountain Dew is the only remaining substance in the universe which can be used to create new stars, and as such will be used by Jesus in his second coming to create the new constellation Ursula Wilde, the only true sign of our impending inescapable death and a total drop in the value of condoms, rendered unnecessary by our imminent death. Its nuclear fusion inducing properties also make it good fuel for Robots and the Popemobile.
Mountain Dew incidentally was the brand worn by jeep driver Harrison Ford on his cap in the blockbuster movie Back to the Future, when Marty McFly took hold of the black of his jeep. - What, you didn't want to know that?
Two words . . . martian sperm.
There are various rumors about mountain dew, which some are true,
- Yes , mountain dew was a drink inspired by a beverage that ancient greek Gods drank called mons montis dew Latin for mountain dew
- Yes, Pepsi cola Found this drink whilst visiting a Bar in Athens, Greece in |1930's
- Yes, the Drink has various side effects due to its adverse ingredients ; Goat semen , Duck Sperm , Yellow 5
- No, you will not grow wings, this drink is commonly compared to Redbull.
- Yes, Duck sperm is used in Mountain dew, it adds its Kick
- Yes, The Phrase do the dew was made after the FDA Synthesised Mountain dew and found traces of Duck Sperm, and Goat Semen
- No, mons montis dew Has no records of using any form of sperm Pepsi-cola decided to add it.