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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mozambique.

The Glorious nation of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique is greatest country in Africa if not World. Glorious nation of Mozambique is ruled benevolently by great leader General Oogudougudoo who always knows best for country. Glorious nation of Mozambique borders Ocean, big lake, South Africa and Scum in Malawi. Glorious nation of Mozambique has world largest deposit of Stibnite, used to make left handed screwdrivers, thanks to great leadership by great leader General Oogudougudoo.

  • Area – Bigger than filthy Malawi.

The name Mozambique comes from the French word “Monkey” ( Mo ) and “Zambique”, meaning “Freaking bit me”. Mozambique means “Monkey freaking bit me” in French.

History of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Whatever[edit]

Not much is known about Glorious nation of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique before great leader General Oogudougudoo took power peacefully during long, bloody Civil war in 1977. The area is believed to have been colonized by tribesmen about the twenty-sixth century AD, these early residents were soon kicked out by troops of monkeys, leading to several wars between the tribesmen and the monkeys ( this may have been the inspiration for Planet of the Apes ). Some time around 1976 Mozambique was colonized by the British, leading to 38 civil wars in 7 months ( a record only broken by the rest of Africa ). Once the British realized there was no point staying there and that monkeys were not as fun as the media made them look, they all moved to Lancashire and started bad fish and chip shops.


A typical resident of Northern Mozambique.

The population is made up of 41% Workers, 50% worker monkeys and 2% Government officials. Scum from filthy Malawi are not counted in the population.

Economy of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike forget it[edit]

Non existent.


The culcher of Mozambique is mainly based around hate of scum from filthy Malawi and worship of great leader General Oogudougudoo. Wherever a person goes they must be carrying a picture of great leader General Oogudougudoo and admiring it. Windscreens in all 3 non government cars have been replaced by giant pictures of General Oogudougudoo. Fundraising is currently underway to raise enough money to build a 100 metre high scale model of great leader General Oogudougudoo’s Glorious head, the goal will be reached by 8923AD.

There are many customs found only in Mozambique, such as placing foliage in the middle of road to warn of accidents or hazards ahead, the larger the foliage, the greater the hazard. If in entire tree is placed across the road you better try another route.

The Mozambican government owns two passenger trains, but there are no train tracks in Mozambique. Instead the trains are pulled long distances by the would be passengers and people who failed to pay their taxes, while carrying government officials (the would be passengers still have to pay their fares mind you).

Law and Politics[edit]

General Oogudougudoo has won every single election since 1977 by a landslide of 100%. The 2006 election was also a landslide win for General Oogudougudoo, with 157% of the vote. Mosabinke has very strict laws on almost everything.

Things that are illegal in Mozambique

( Things marked with D are punishable by death]. )

  • Tamia music D
  • Magazines
  • Television
  • Communism
  • Religions other than Paganism and Voodoo
  • Condoms - D
  • BMWs
  • Electricity - D
  • Free Thought
  • Wheels
  • Hats - D
  • Purple
  • Movies
  • America
  • Homosexuality - D
  • Computers
  • Coke ( Pepsi is allowed )
  • Saws
  • Asians
  • Blacks - D
  • Ideas
  • Happiness - D
  • Paris Hilton
  • Fun - D
  • Fruit
  • Pie
  • Your Mom - ( to fuck, D ) ; ( to make jokes, D ) ; ( to live with after becoming 21, D )
  • France - D
  • Thinking
  • Opinions
  • Having more than 3 teeth
  • Planes
  • Helicopters
  • Question Marks – D
  • Everything Interesting
  • DVDs
  • Believing in a round earth
  • Gravity
  • Names beginning with A or C
  • Triangles - D
  • The number 6 - D
  • Genitals ( Filthy things )
  • Sex out of your family - D
  • Garlic Bread
  • Gods other than General Oogudougudoo - D
  • Food
  • Um
  • Err
  • That’s it
  • wait
  • No
  • That’s all

Fun Facts[edit]

Typical car in Mozambique. Car modifying is quite popular in Mosambinke
  • Mosambique has the largest number of monkey attacks anywhere in the world.
  • In Mosambikue it is a law to have 2 wives, one human and one monkey.
  • Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique has the easiest name of any country on earth to spell according to a gallop poll in 2002.
  • A kiss from great leader General Oogudougudoo can heal everything known to man kind.
  • Monkey racing is the biggest sport in Mosambike.

Mozambique in Popular Culture[edit]

Mosambike Mozambiqe Mosambique Mo-Sam-Bike has been the setting for many badly made copies of books and films over the years:

The Hit Album "Heaven and Mozambique" by Black Sabbath, 1980.

Films - Mozambique has a booming industry of making bad copies of bad movies, in the case of "Battlefield Mozambique: A Saga of the Year 3000" much better than the original.

  • The Mozambique Falcon
  • The Mozambique Candidate
  • Once Upon a Time in Mozambique
  • The Wizard of Mozambique
  • Dial M for Mozambique
  • 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mozambique
  • Battlefield Mozambique: A Saga of the Year 3000
  • Transmorphers
  • The Never Ending Story 38.5: Back to Mozambique, Again
  • Police Academy: Mission to Mozambique
  • Books - Buks... dem demon tings, tools a' satan dem is.
  • None
Great leader General Oogudougudoo caring for his people by posing in photo-shoot.
  • Music - Only heavy metal bands are legally allowed to write songs about Mozambique.
  • Heaven and Mozambique - Black Sabbath
  • Mozambique of Reality - Black Sabbath
  • Sabbath Bloody Mozambique - Black Sabbath
  • Never Say Mozambique! - Black Sabbath
  • Paranoid Mozambique - Black Sabbath
  • Houses of the Mozambicans - Led Zeppelin
  • Mozambique ör Die - Motörhead
  • Fallout Boy tried to release an album entitled "Thnx fr th Mzmbq" but were lynched by the population of Mozambique for crimes against humanity. This was widely seen by many as the best move of their career.

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