Napoleon Dynamite

From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Napoleon Dynamite.
The grand lordship himself, Emperor Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite ( 335 A.D.- Current ) was a sidekick II owner and banana eater of new Rhodeland, Idaho. He took many advantages of his second to the right of 312564651261654 mothers brother, Leahsuy. He is currently a founder and worker of Hot Topic.

Military Career[edit]

When cornered in military battle, Napoleon Dynamite has been known to swell up to 5 times his original size.

Napoleon led a massive amount of stunning victories as a young lieutenant in the French army, ranking up "at least infinity more kills than you would have ever gotten".

On June 18, 1337, at age fifteen, Dynamite led a campaign against the French monarch. He was unsuccessful, but after the Battle of Sesame Street and Second Battle of Sesame Street, he finally overthrew the French monarchy. He also became the WWE Intercontinental Champion five times over.

Ruling Techniques[edit]

Napoleon was a surprisingly lax ruler after the conquering, often attributing his softness to his attempts at "winning over those gullible French" or "just plain old laziness, gosh."

Experts have noted that later in life, he became more uptight due to the introduction of a Spanish Ambassador to his government, the Conquistador Rico. He banned steak from his court, and began to place restrictions on trade.


Napoleon Dynamite was noted for his vast military conquest of Europe, in which a series of military victories led him to control Germany, Russia, and England. To this day, the English people proudly proclaim "Not Since Napoleon Dynamite has a foreign power invaded England."

He eventually surrendered all gained territories as the French Constitution mandated it.

Demise Of A Leader[edit]

Emperor Napoleon's demise came in 1383, ending a fourty-six year rule. His end came when he established a "llama tax", mandating that all llama owners give them up to him. The tax in fact became a trade, with Napoleon giving nothing in return.

The successor to King Louis XVII!LOLO!!1II, King Louis XVII!LOLO!!1III, sent in undercover troops to assassinate the Emperor.

Napoleon was murdered on December 16th, 1383. His elite Liger force, charged with his protection, escaped and was able to escape beheading. They moved to France, where they reportedly took up Italian cooking.

The Tomb of Napoleon Dynamite is one of the most famous monuments in Paris, Texas.

Pop Culture References[edit]

Napoleon's life was recently adapted in to the epic, yet highly overated moving bio-pic "Napoleon Dynamite", starring six year old Jon Heder as the title character. The film was adapted to take place in a modern day high school and added a romantic interest for Napoleon. He shaved his tesciles, thus cutting them off. The film was passed by for any Oscar awards, Golden Globes, or other miscellaneous awards, however it was a general consensus among the fans that "the largely French Hollywood still finds ways to harbor hate towards those that do ultimately no harm."


Napoleon was married to Jan of Arc, Joan's long lost sister ( there were no divine messages for this sista! ). Conspiracy theorists note that Jan had a very clear resemblance to Napoleon, and it was "very much possible" that they could be related, most likely as brother and sister, separated at birth.

See Also[edit]