No one

From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nobody.
Mug shot of nobody.

Born as No one, Nobody conceived himself on June 8, 1922 and was born on February 29, 1923. He was born again in 1966 when he found Jesus and then became saved at Eleanor Rigby's funeral. Popular belief is that he died on January 26, 1998 ( When Clinton lied ) ; however, he is still alive and will probably live forever. His talents are endless and he possesses the largest ego in the known universe. The reason for the obscurity of his continued existence is believed to be linked to the fact that he made himself nameless. He does however have several pseudonyms, including Nothing, Death, Sanjaya Malakar, Cat Lover,Osama Bin Laden and ghost.

Childhood[edit]

Despite being born a woman and a man at the same time, Nobody spontaneously changed sex over night, thus surprising his mother, Queen Elizabeth I. This way he overcame all his psychological problems instantly.

He had a happy childhood and loving parents that understood him. At a very young age, he got rich quick through , and kept increasing his fortune by using the magical power of habit.

Early Years[edit]

During WW2, he swam across the Atlantic Ocean to Japan ( America ) after he was left behind, thereby discovering the north-western passage to the Pacific. He spent Christmas, 1943 on the north pole, in his underwear.

After surviving the nuclear holocaust, Nobody discovered alien life on the moon, when he witnessed the landing of the Eagle in late July 1969. He got there by hitching a ride with a cow who was headed in that direction.

Everything was, of course, his fault.

He and his gay lover eventually moved to San Francisco where they had wild monkey sex each night.

Nobody is there

Earlier Years[edit]

The sound of the one hand clapping was the first in a series of discoveries he made. He went on to discover the whole truth, the philosophers stone, the meaning of life, the secret of happiness, the Fountain of Youth and the secret of success.

His unusual exploits drew the attention of the Illuminati, whom he as yet keeps eluding. They almost got him when they sent the Spanish Inquisition after him during his successful trip back in time, but to their dismay he expected them and escaped in time.

Odysseus tried to impersonate him, and Nobody got really off. But he couldn't do a thing, as he was ( And still is ) Nobody.

Earliest years[edit]

He made himself, and therefore, the title of 'Self-Made Man', to be taken literally.

Became Made Man of his own mafia henceforth, known as, "Nobody's friends".

His mother and father were Imagination and Indians.


Nobody also ran for president before; nobody voted.

Later Years[edit]

Nobody ( on left ), during his trial for previously failing to appear in court.

Only he himself knows what he is up to now, but with the many things that can be attributed to him, he certainly will remain famous forever, if only for his prodigious ability to lick his own elbow.

Also, he liked this article until the person who wrote the text you are reading now read it.

Got his own talk show which was cancelled due to apathy.

He also met Somebody and Himself

Minutes before Nobody's assasination.

Brief death[edit]

Nobody briefly died in march 1997, but was brought back by somebody as he owed him one. Nobody was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald and that's a fact I can prove with my MIGHTY citation of steel ( now where did I put it, oh shit ).

Even more later years[edit]

Nobody is still a nobody, though he became a superhero known as Nowhere Man Whenever somebody beats up the bad guys and disapears with no trace, that's not Batman, it's nobody!

Latest Years[edit]

He put himself in a cryogen-lab in 1999 and is expected to wake up in the year 3265.

As far as the law is concerned, 'rat is dyin' e'nuff'zelh.

Despite the lack of demand, the Nobody corporation has released a series of Nobody action figures, featuring Nobody in different outfits.

Nobody is a CAWs.ws member as well. and nobody is still a well loved member of society today.