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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Oil.
In the future the seas will be covered in Oil and Sonic the Hedgehog will have to save the world again

Oil is a fossil fuel proven not to be a clean and efficient source of energy. Scientist now agree that it's a leading cause of global warming and say that those who say it's a myth that oil does not cause global warming but is because the sun's gradual increase in UV rays completely wrong and say that Al Gore is not really a crazy environmentalist.

The Oil Crisis[edit]

It's actually not a hoax. There really is no oil crisis. OPEC has found a way to keep the oil supply up by drilling for more oil in The Great Barrier Reef without not damaging wildlife and by keeping the demand low by charging you $3/gallon. Great scientists with high school diplomas like Peter Odell and Michell Lynch proved that oil won't run out before 2100, even with a 15% increase in demand each year. In the worst case scenario, the world economy will collapse and Armageddon will occur nothing will happen.

Oil Prices[edit]

Oil prices in America are incredibly unrealistic in comparison to oil prices in countries such as Norway, where oil is $6.00 a gallon.

Common Myths[edit]

  1. .Oil is a cause global warming.
  2. .Oil companies are not overcharging you.
  3. .Oil companies are not bribing congress to allow it and make them want to drill more oil.
  4. .Iraq was invaded because not of oil but because of WMD's

Oil Company Ethics[edit]

All oil companies are run by or have deals with the devil, not by Christians. They don't tell the truth about not hurting the environment. They do not have a high moral vaules and lie that they are not corrupt and lie are not like Enron. However, they do hold their employees in high esteem, and all are provided solid gold jets to carry them around on their expensive vacations to islands in the south pacific with erotic sounding names.(which explains the high gas prices.)

Blood for Oil[edit]

the Red Cross blood drive[edit]

One of the many TV ads used in the "Blood for Oil" drive

In an attempt to lower gasoline prices and bring out more blood donors to blood drives, the american red cross began a new campaign. The new campaign was inspired by the "Guns for Toys" programs some law enforcement agencies have ( in which people are encouraged to exchange guns for toys, in an effort to keep guns off streets ). The new program was dubbed "Blood for Oil". People can now go to any hospital to donate blood and exchange it for a pint of oil ( limit: up to three barrels of crude oil per person ). This new campaign kicked-off in 2003. Initially it had much popularity. The US government had given the Red Cross unlimited access to its oil reserves. Unfortunately, the program now is considered a faliure. The oil that was given out did not lower prices, and many people died of blood loss (people who were trying for the three barrels). Also, the some of the oil given out was tainted with Black Oil( the outbreak of Black Oil coupled with blood loss deaths, fatalities are numbered in the thousands ).

Addiction to Oil[edit]

In the 2006 State of the Union speech, he stated that "America is addicted to oil." The addiction has become widespread. Lower class, inner city youth is where the addiction is most widespread. Bush proposed to end the oil addiction by setting up many rehab centers, especially in urban areas. He also set up a program, in which speakers go to school, to talk to teens on how dangerous oil addiction can be. Oil addiction has been on the rise, and so have the deaths caused by it. The american red cross reports that 732 people have been treated for overdose of oil. There have been 378 reported deaths from oil overdose in just the last year. But progress is being made, they have invented numerous treatments for those going through Oil withdrawal. Indulging in more potent and expensive drugs like cocaine, can cure an oil addiction due to lack of money. The administration says that south american drug oil suppliers are to blame. Hugo Chavez has agreed to help end America's oil addiction. Besides nationalizing the oil, he plans on stopping all oil shipments to the US. He is also building a large army police force in case any americans cannot handle the withdrawal and try go to Venezuela to get oil.

A man that died from an oil overdose
One of the many practical uses of oil. ( Is it any wonder we're addicted? )

Effects of addiction[edit]

-Feelings of euphoria, and flase invincibility ( like Hummer owners )

-Faster heart rate ( due to lung problems from inhaling exhaust )

-Loss of awareness and hallucinations ( delusions of grandeur )

-Profits ( to local dealers, suppliers, and smugglers )

-Increased tolerence, addicts therefore need to use more and more every time

Side-effects ( and longterm use )[edit]

-Greatness ( main side effect )

-extreme paranoia, and victim complex

-overcompensation for insecurities ( like Hummer owners )

-green house gasses ( like those made by houses painted green )

-thickening and darkening of the blood, longterm use is marked with high concentrations of oil in the blood ( many people were denied in the blood for oil - blood drive, because their blood had been completely converted to oil )

-purchase of 'support our troops®' bumper stickers

-going to the beach on sunny days ( during oil spills )

-Yearning to attack Iraqi Oil Supplies

Withdrawal symptoms[edit]

-Arming Israel

-Bleeding from the eyes and ears (bleeding oil, if used long enough)


-trembling, extreme irritability

-sniffing bags with canadian oil sand

-resorting to eating oil soaked animals ( during oil spills )

-ingesting crude oil ( and other types such as baby oil )

-Photosynthesis ( If vegetable oil has been used )

-cannabalism ( if baby oil has been used )


Our OPEC overlords ( what do you want me to call them?, I'm an addict! )

Notable Oil Companies[edit]

  • ChevronTexaco
  • ExxonMobil
  • Microsoft
  • Playboy
  • Oscar Mayer
  • Greenpeace
  • Citgo
  • Valero
  • ConocoPhillips
  • Atari
  • Sinclair
  • RaceTrac
  • RaceWay
  • Quick Trip, or QT
  • The City of Saint John
  • 76
  • 64
  • Sunoco
  • PETA
  • Burger King
  • Ned's Discount Gas
  • Halliburton
  • Enron
  • George W. Bush
  • Petrobrás
  • NFL