Old women

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Those obsessed with so-called-experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Old women.

Old Women are remnants of an ancient race of badger-like supercreatures that roamed the planet Earth some billion years ago. Inside the heart of each one can be found the rotting remains of a badgers in the final stages of transformation into its subterranean drilling phase.

Failure to touch an Old Woman once you have seen it will result in the entirety of your body to be replaced by salami. Painful recognition is inevitable unless much drinking has been carried out before hand.