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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Opiates.

The Opiates are a secretive cult residing in a compound deep within the Earth's crust. Little is known about them, but they are reported to enjoy fishing with Andy Griffith and hanging out at Arnold's. It is believed that teh Opiates were the true authors of the Constitution of the United States. Though many things remain unsure, Larry King discoverd in 2003 that it were the Opiates who, after centuries of breeding underground, brought opium to the surface.