Osama Bin Laden

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Osama been Laden, seen here after extensive plastic surgery and ten beers.

Osama Hussein Muhammad Abdul Barack Phlegm-Shaky Ali-Abu Zarqawi Mehmet Ahmadinejad Björk Dust bin Laden (Arabic: الشيطان عنزة; born sometime between March 10th, 1957 and April 30th, 2011; died somewhat later) was the founder, leader, and video spokesman of the terrorist group Al-Qaeda, member of the affluent Bin Laden family, and the greatest hide-and-seeker in the history of humanity. He was wanted for his involvement in multiple terrorist attacks, especially the attacks of September 11th, 2001, the bombing of the USS Cole, and the attempted bombing of Boston with explosives resembling Aqua Teen Hunger Force characters.

He was first indicted in United States federal court for his alleged involvement in the 1998 U.S. embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam ("There is Peace") Tanzania and Nairobi, Kenya, and was named one of Time Magazine's "Most Beautiful People" for 1999. He fled to Pakistan during Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL), launched as a part of The War on Terror (TWAT).


In May 2011, bin Laden was located and killed in Abbottabad, Pakistan. The US Navy SEALs who killed the aging, ill, and unarmed bin Laden after rudely awakening him have been lauded as heroes, and Al-Qaeda immediately claimed responsibility for bin Laden's death.