Panda

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Panda.
"Oh, my! I think I just got rescued again!"

A creature which is a variant of the common bear that is desperately trying to become extinct by only eating bamboo, becoming increasingly homosexual, and hiding from zoos in the mountains of China. However, anti-evolution bastards Greenpeace and the World Wildlife Fund keep saving it from extinction, thus creating an undead variant of crappy bear which natural selection would have devoured long ago. Pandas are known as the foremost threat to the survival of the human species ( homo sapiens ) and are known to attack unprovoked, usually with the two laserbeams in their head. Although seemingly cuddly, children should be reminded that these bears tear you limb from limb for their entertainment and devour your flesh.

Pandas are also active in recruiting children for the gay Mafia and have adovocated that eventually all humans must adopt a homosexual lifestyle.

Pandas have really orgasmic thumbs growing out of their arms which is used for holding bamboo and hitchhiking to Tibet, where they hide from Greenpeace in monasteries and die peacefully.

Japan[edit]

Pandas are beleived to be not really endangered, as national geographic says, but really disappearing into underground factorys, where Japan makes all its goods ( China steals Indian Elephants and uses them instead ). Infact, it is also beleived that most japanese people are really Pandas in disguise and it is them that are making all the robotics and that smart load of ( superweapons ) toys. Many in the religion of Dantastic beleive that the Pandas will rise from their small earthquaking ( faked ) island and destroy North America. But the Brazilians will come to their defense by kicking soccer balls at them. The Pandas, who have a weakness to soccer, shall be driven back to Japan but will plan on taking China & India for themselves. Then Soviet Russia will take the Pandas and drink Vodka in India. But while the Russians Drink Vodka the Pandas will take Russia and take India back. After Russia falls next will come Europe as the easyiest of targets, with everyone hating the Brits, it being multicultural and Panadas being increasingly worshipped by the Dantastic religion. When Europe falls well, the Dantastics hav'nt decided that yet, because that they see themselfs as extict at that time and will not need to play anymore part in telling the future.

GOTHS![edit]

Panda are addicted bamboo smokers.
As you see Christine is an Endangered panda in disguise

Pandas are goths, and as such, they will live forever.

The Lord shall behence they fruit upon 5, not 3, oblivions.

Usually pissed off because some bastard raccoon who thinks all animals should wear a 'mask', the common Panda has the tendency to punch itself in both eyes, causing it to be permanently black-eyed.

A brief account of Mokpandas. The origins of the mokpanda is unclear, although it was Brian Blessed who gave the call to arms when they first appeared. It is likely, more than not, that the mokpandas were born out of the wrath and revenge of those who grew tired of Pantoon The Cheerful Panda, but it is not without consequence that he is to be blamed by the peoples of Walmington-On-Sea. For indeed, it was Bill Gates who fought to the last, not least because he kept on crashing and needed rebooting, but was faced with the fear of Dad's Army, who pledged that Pantoon's cheerfulness should not bring about such destruction. The race of the mokpandas were initially forced out of Isengaurd by Treebeard ( yes, the Ent ), although some smote revenge upon television, and were seen battling the edge of animation, to which now few may survive, but of course The Great Pandak came to say unto thee: Fuck you and so in true John McClane fashion, the battle was won. Ultimately, the mokpandas gathered forces in Hell, but were mightily disturbed when Bill and Ted came down upon them, to strike with wrath those who had Deacon's easter basket. It was indeed the Grim Reaper who rapped down those mokpandas, and they, being of little musical taste, could not forsee or bear it, and so vanished into the darkness. When this battle cat was won over, the lands of America no longer were besieged by Spinal Tap, for they could turn their amplifiers to 11, and thus marched forth, unto war with their record label. The untimely wager put on Tumbleweed was to be the beginning of M3: Rise Of The Mokpandas, as Irv Blitzer, although somewhat refined in Jamaican since the begining of the first age, saw darkness before him, as he hit the lightbulb with his pool cue. This symbolised, for the mokpandas, who were waiting for something which the Oracle had prophecised, a time of regeneration, and so it became that the Dinobots stole the energon in order to create a supreme race of these beings, then referred to as Stretch Armstrong. These became the henchmen for the mokpandas who were, in time, although not without déjà vu, inputted into The Matrix Reloaded by Johnny Five, Johnny Mneumonic and his tribe of warbling 80's actors. But they must not be feared, as The Great Pandak became so powerful, that their attire of silver and white cloaks, with matching dreadlocks, was lifted upon to Wimbledon Common, where a peaceful nation of wombles wombled, and the waning of Stretch Armstrong could be.