Pennsyltucky

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Pennsyltucky. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

SEARCHING FOR YOU... in the cold Pennsyltucky rain!

~ Elvis Presley

Santa[edit]

The Santa Claus existing outside the realm of time as we know it. He travels

between the fabric of years, righting wrongs, wronging rights, or whatever

he sees fit to do.

The current time travel device, see below "for directions"

Everyday is Christmas Eve[edit]

The old analog time machine, will be on exhibit at the Selectricians Institute of the Future

From our perspective, every day can be Christmas Eve, due to the nature of time itself!. Many children have wondered how Santa could deliver gifts to the entire Christian world in one night. Many so called experts of their time, conjectured it had something to do with slowing the rotation of the earth, and moving in the same direction as the rotation. It is now known that it was actually Future Santa moving his other incarnations back and forth to accomplish the task each "year". Each annual Santa had an infinite amount of time to do his tasks, and Future Santa would be able to bring him back to his next stop on each and every Christmas Eve. If li'l Johnny had to get him some more milk, this was not the irrevocable delay that many children feared. Future Santa would just calibrate his time travel device to the next stop at the appointed time.

Mischief Making and Mirth[edit]

Santa as a young man before he became Future-such

The tradtional jolly old elf, of Clement Moore's biography, never lost the boyish penchant for mischief. Most of the anachronisms found in the world's timeline can be traced to that Merry Making. One such well documented incident is when Future Santa took Future Churchill back in time and re-did the whole D-Day event so that the Allies won with their regular troopforce in addition to card board tanks and pastboard foot lockers. This, royally pissed off Future Hitler, in that he had to give up his bragging rights over Future Charlemagne.

The Japanese[edit]

Longtime time travelers themselves, the Japanese witnessed another act o' merry making mischief by Future Santa. They witnessed his visit to the original Jesus nativity, they were awestruck when the found the entire tableau dressed in the coloful Red and White fur suits of the CocaCola Company. Eager to commemerate it, when they returned to their own time, they released a manger set with the players in Santa suits. Future Santa was furious, and threw their juggernaut economy into depression and is now working to destroy every existing Santa Nativity set. This has caused the set to be a cult favorite among collectors. It is a cross-collectible appealing to both Santa Collectors and Time Anachronysm collectors.

The time travel device, see below "for directions"

Future Santa and his Future Pals[edit]

Future Santa has been around, among his future pals are Future Jesus, Future Churchill and Future Holly Hobby. Noteable first contact with Jesus Christ was back in year 1337BC when Future Santa started to materialize within the body of Christ. Japanese Time Tourists snapped a rare photo of the phenomenon.

Santa's pals[edit]

  • Santa's Future elves
  • Mrs. Future Claus
  • Frosty The Snowman
  • Future Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • Future Charlemagne

How time travel works[edit]

This page is censored by the Time-Shire-Reeves.

Other Santacarnations

  • Santa Claus
  • Satan Claus
  • Secret Santa

Lexington[edit]

Horseyland[edit]

In 1972 the voters of Lexington voted to merge with Walnut Hill Farm, Spindletop Hall and Coldstream farm to combine the first horse-related theme park city in the greater quadstate region of the southeastern red states.

In the Beginning the Dream[edit]

In 1776 on a wednesday, several hunters were camping on the banks of Elkhorn Creek when they heard the shot heard 'round the world, fired in Lexington, Mass. While the Lexington Mass was usually held on Sundays, lost in history is why it took three days for the hunters to hear the shot. One theory supports the ricochet theory, that the shot took a while to reach this woodland outpost. They named their camp Lexington and so it was good. In honor of the renaming of this campsite, they fired up a still and made some of the area's first keg of white lightening. The camp's former name, site 42, was almost lost in history, but was discovered by Pennsyltucky Historian Lauriate, Leonard Nimoy for his special on the History channel.

Camping were, William McConnell, Jedidiah Lincoln, Toddidias Todd, Federico Frankfort, Philip Louisville and Uncle Remus. These men were all lovers of the drink, and horses. After a few snorts, they started talking about the future. Amongst the tales of containerized water, indoor plumbing, marital relations in a private room and six wheeled super wagons, was the simple dream of a horse city. It would be a city where horses and man could live together in peace, with no barriers whatsoever.

This dream would be realized decades later in 1972.

Early Lexington[edit]

Early Lexington was the Dodge City of its day. Walking the streets with his 6 gun in hand was the only law west of the Alleghanies. His name was Palan. Marshall Palan. Palan was instrumental in securing the safety of the territory as well as garnering huge amounts of money from the government. Due to success of of Marshal Palan, Lexington soon was known as the Athens of the west. There were many other Marshals in Lexington, and many other Palans, but the first was always refered to as THE Marshal Palan.

Growth and Change[edit]

Early in its growth period, it was noted that there was nearly no suburban sprawl. This was rectified with the new town fauburg of West Lexington. Closer to town the Historic Western Suburb was established. This district is noteable for a former brothel operated by Belle Brezing. Notable crazy persons that also resided in that house included future wife of Jefferson Davis, Mary Todd. No information exists as to wether Todd was a working girl in the house or not.

It's Selectric[edit]

In the days when typewriters were king, the buckey ball juggarnaut of the Selectric factory came to town. Interstate Biddness Monkeysheens built every single Selectric in Lexington. Today this legacy lives on in the Ball Homes. These houses are encased entirely in font balls from the selectric a420. One such Ball Home, The John Bunker-Selectric house sits not far from the Brezing Brothel in the historic "Cruise at your own risk park" district. Today, typewriters are known only to visitors of the Selectricians Institute complex in A/C. USA Today reports there is a town in Luddiana that still has a selectric in use at its county courthouse.

The Merger Mania[edit]

Great Grand Nephew of one of the original campers back in 1776, recalled his family's dream. A horse city where horses and man could mingle freely without hanging their heads in shame. In a shrewd media campaign, he garnered enough public opinion to propel the merger proposal to everyone's morning coffee. In 1972, the voters agreed to merge to the City of Lexington with three adjacent horse farms; Walnut Hill, Coldstream and Spindletop. The new entity would be called Consolodated Metro Government of Walnut Hill Farm - Coldstream Farm - Spindletop Hall - did I already say Walnut Hill?-Lexington The official short form of this name is Horsey Land


Horsey Land[edit]

Modern day Horsey Land is divided into many thematic divisions. But it was not always so. Over the years, attractions have been closed, renovated, moved and even renamed.

  • Main Street RSA is the second oldest of the lands, located in the historic down town area of antiquity, and recreates a turn of the millenia all Red-Statesian Town Center. The cast members that play vagrants are told to stay in character no matter what the guests say to taunt them. Troublemaking Canadians have entire websites dedicated to the antics and techniques designed to get the vagrants to break character.
  • Farm Land is the oldest of the lands with actual work being done within the horse industry. Guests are allowed to mingle with the farm hands as they go about their chores.
  • Prison Farm is THE growth land in the park. Prison Farm has proved so successfull, re-creations of all levels of incarceration have been added. Starting with a single State Penn, soon others were added. Current Sub Lands;
    • a State Penn
    • a Federal Penn
    • a Women's Federal Penn
    • a Pig Penn
    • a new county Jail. The latter of which is the newest and more closely follows the theme of Horseyland.
  • Man O'War Is The Best Horse There Ever Was Land this land is located directly on the grounds of the former Walnut Hill. Dominating the landscape is the triumphant Space Ship Man O' War. A 500 foot hollow statue within which guests can participate in exhibits related to the Horse digestive system.
  • Keeneland this land has a race track theme, and is located on the western edge of the park. It is conveniently located near the airport so the race horses can be soothed by the rushing air sounds of the air jets. Live racing takes place twice a year except for years with a 3 in them. During years with 3s in them, racing is held three times a year. During the rest of the year the attraction serves as the world's largest carrousel where everyone is a winner. Children and Adults alike, love to go round and round to the sounds of the calliope.
  • South of the Border Land (formerly Nicholsville) recreates the fun family atmosphere of old Tijuana, complete with the painted zebras.
  • And the rest The rest may only be discussed in context.

World Visitors[edit]

Horsey land plays host to a United Nations of world leaders.

  • The Supreme potentate of Krgystan has a home outside Keeneland where he is reportedly on the carrousel 24/7.
  • Queen Bea of the Hinterlands buys all her xmas gifts only at the Horseland gift shop.
  • Madam Nu of the former Republic of Viet Nam jets to town with her boy toys to her beach house on the Horseland Riviera.
  • Irish Prime Minister, Patrick O'Flintabatty O'Flonnetin comes for the races both times a year.
  • Ultra Jesus made a famous walk-on during the awards ceremonty of the Man O'War Is The Best Horse There Ever Was Land's silver anniverary jubilee

Graduated to site[edit]

Horseyland[edit]

In 1972 the voters of Lexington voted to merge with Walnut Hill Farm, Spindletop Hall and Coldstream Farm to combine the first horse-related theme park city in the greater quadstate region of the southeastern red states, known as Horseyland.

In the Beginning, the Dream[edit]

In 1776, on a wednesday, several hunters were camping on the banks of Elkhorn Creek when they heard the shot heard 'round the world, fired in Lexington, Mass. While the Lexington Mass was usually held on Sundays, lost in history is why it took three days for the hunters to hear the shot. One theory supports the ricochet theory, that the shot took a while to reach this woodland outpost. They named their camp Lexington and so it was good. In honor of the renaming of this campsite, they fired up a still and made some of the area's first keg of white lightening. The camp's former name, site 42, was almost lost in history, but was discovered by Pennsyltucky Historian Lauriate, Leonard Nimoy for his special on the History channel.

Camping were, William McConnell, Jedidiah Lincoln, Toddidias Todd, Federico Frankfort, Philip Louisville and Uncle Remus. These men were all lovers of the drink, and horses. After a few snorts, they started talking about the future. Amongst the tales of containerized water, indoor plumbing, marital relations in a private room and six wheeled super wagons, was the simple dream of a horse city. It would be a city where horses and man could live together in peace, with no barriers whatsoever.

This dream would be realized decades later in 1972.

Early Lexington[edit]

Early Lexington was the Dodge City of its day. Walking the streets with his 6 gun in hand was the only law west of the Alleghanies. His name was Palan. Marshall Palan. Palan was instrumental in securing the safety of the territory as well as garnering huge amounts of money from the government. Due to success of of Marshal Palan, Lexington soon was known as the Athens of the west. There were many other Marshals in Lexington, and many other Palans, but the first was always refered to as THE Marshal Palan.

Growth and Change[edit]

Early in its growth period, it was noted that there was nearly no suburban sprawl. This was rectified with the new town fauburg of West Lexington. Closer to town, the Historic Western Suburb was established. This district is noteable for a former brothel operated by Belle Brezing. Notable crazy persons that also resided in that house included future wife of Jefferson Davis, Mary Todd. No information exists as to wether Todd was a working girl in the house or not.

It's Selectric[edit]

In the days when typewriters were king, the buckey ball juggarnaut of the Selectric factory came to town. Interstate Biddness Monkeysheens built every single Selectric in Lexington. Today this legacy lives on in the Ball Homes. These houses are encased entirely in font balls from the selectric a420. One such Ball Home, The John Bunker-Selectric house sits not far from the Brezing Brothel in the historic "Cruise at your own risk park" district. Today, typewriters are known only to visitors of the Selectricians Institute complex in A/C. USA Today reports there is a town in Luddiana that still has a selectric in use at its county courthouse.

Merger Era[edit]

Great Grand Nephew of one of the original campers back in 1776, recalled his family's dream. A horse city where horses and man could mingle freely without hanging their heads in shame. In a shrewd media campaign, he garnered enough public opinion to propel the merger proposal to everyone's morning coffee. In 1972, the voters agreed to merge to the City of Lexington with three adjacent horse farms; Walnut Hill, Coldstream and Spindletop. The new entity would be called Consolodated Metro Government of Walnut Hill Farm - Coldstream Farm - Spindletop Hall - did I already say Walnut Hill?-Lexington The official short form of this name is Horsey Land

Population[edit]

2000 Census figures have Horseyland with a population of 5,342,000 people in 14 household communes. A quirk in local policy discounts the educated population, dropping the "official" number down to 260,525 people, hence less than Louisville. Louisville is bigger than Horseyland. All Hail Louisville.

The New Park[edit]

Modern day Horseyland is divided into many thematic divisions. But it was not always so. Over the years, attractions have been closed, renovated, moved and even renamed.

Main Street RSA[edit]

Second oldest of the lands, located in the historic down town area of antiquity, and recreates a turn of the millenia all Red-Statesian Town Center. The cast members that play vagrants are told to stay in character no matter what the guests say to taunt them. Troublemaking Canadians have entire websites dedicated to the antics and techniques designed to get the vagrants to break character.

Farm Land[edit]

Oldest of the lands with actual work being done within the horse industry. Guests are allowed to mingle with the farm hands as they go about their chores.

Prison Farm[edit]

THE growth land in the park. Prison Farm has proved so successfull, re-creations of all levels of incarceration have been added. Starting with a single State Penn, soon others were added. Current Sub Lands;

  • a State Penn
  • a Federal Penn
  • a Women's Federal Penn
  • a Pig Penn
  • a new county Jail. The latter of which is the newest and more closely follows the theme of Horseyland.

Man O'War Is The Best Horse There Ever Was Land[edit]

Located directly on the grounds of the former Walnut Hill. Dominating the landscape is the triumphant Space Ship Man O' War. A 500 foot hollow horse statue within which, guests can participate in exhibits related to the Horse digestive system.

The Pennsyltuckistani National Guard

Keeneland[edit]

Race track themeed land, located on the western edge of the park. It is conveniently located near the airport so the race horses can be soothed by the rushing air sounds of the air jets. Live racing takes place twice a year except for years with a 3 in them. During years with 3s in them, racing is held three times a year. During the rest of the year the attraction serves as the world's largest carrousel where everyone is a winner. Children and Adults alike, love to go round and round to the sounds of the calliope.

South of the Border Land[edit]

(formerly Nicholsville) recreates the fun family atmosphere of old Tijuana, complete with the painted zebras.

And the rest[edit]

The rest may only be discussed in context. But plans for expanding into the neighboring counties with the creation of Horse World are already underway.

World Visitors[edit]

Horsey land plays host to a United Nations of world leaders.

  • The Supreme potentate of Krgystan has a home outside Keeneland where he is reportedly on the carrousel 24/7.
  • Queen Bea of the Hinterlands buys all her xmas gifts only at the Horseyland gift shop.
  • Madam Nu of the former Republic of Viet Nam, jets to town with her boy toys to stay at her beach house on the Horseyland Riviera.
  • Irish Prime Minister, Patrick O'Flintabatty O'Flonnetin comes for the races both times a year.
  • Ultra Jesus made a famous walk-on during the awards ceremonty of the Man O'War Is The Best Horse There Ever Was Land's silver anniverary jubilee

Louisville[edit]

A suburban community of Lexington, Kentuckistan.

Discovery of Louisville[edit]

In 1492, Sally Christmas and Otis Daye sailed the river blue from the Croisant City of Newer Oldens. Up river, over the river, through the woods, they traveled for forty days and nights. They were drawn to shore of the Ohio river, when a foul stench was flowing south from the northern banks.

On shore they discovered the primitive community then known as West Lexington. The inhabitants lived in the shadow of its larger neighbor to the east, and the spectre of being absorbed by it was something they could not bear.

Learning of this a tent was erected at the Falls of Ohio.

The Name[edit]

"Banish their name" said Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

"Banish-shed!" mumbled the crowd

"A little bit louder"[edit]

cried Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

"Banish-shed!" said the crowd


"Banish their name!"[edit]

cried Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

"Banish-shed!"[edit]

shouted the crowd

"A little bit softer now" said Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

"Banish-shed!" cried the crowd

"Banish their name!" said Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

"Banish-shed!" cried the crowd

"A little bit louder!" cried Otis

"Yea""A little bit" "Yea" "A Lil""Yea"

"Banish-shed!"[edit]

shouted the crowd, and they fell to the ground in ecstatic exhaustion.

Louie Louie, Old Ville!![edit]

Louie Louie, Old Ville!![edit]

"Let the name of your oppressors never utter from your lips save for spite!" cried Otis

"Yea" said Sally Christmas

1810[edit]

Much later, the rally had evolved into a the quaint jump rope jingle rapped by schoolboys as they double dutched during recess. In 1810 or so, the United States Post Office Department, using the jump rope jingle as a guide, declared the local post office to be Louisville. Due to difficulties reading longhand, the E of Louie was read by a clerk as an S, and it was far too much difficulty to change it by the time the error was noticed. It should be noted only after adult literacy reached 20 percent was the "misspeling" ever brought up.

Early American Louisville[edit]

During the 1970s, Louisville was completely redecorated in Early American by famed JC Penney designer Halston. The burnt umber sofabed bus stop benches were an instant hit with the hobo-americans. Holly Hobby, Louisville's first openly Lesbian mayor, started a trend in retro pioneer clothing that coordinated wonderfully with the Halstonian ambience of the town.

Modern Day Louisville[edit]

Sitting in the shadow of nearby Lexington, Louisvillians seem content to watch sports and invite people to drink bad whiskey punches every may. Recently in a desperate attempt for world recognation of its "second city" status, Louisville merged with that of its county. In a completely expected outcome, the population figure actually went down. Of course everyone that voted for the merger, immediately left town, leaving the losers to deal with doubling up all the major governmental duplicity. As a consolation prize for this population blunder the United States Census Bureau has allowed Louisville to count each african American and 5/3rds of a person. To be unbiased, white people are counted and 3/2s. This unique numbering scheme has catipulted Louisville past Lexington in population and into the ranks of the higher middle sized cities.

Lexington, nearby tried to help its suburb's identity crisis by sending as many of its former sports coaches to the sports obsessed town. Not wanting to completely overwealm its weaker neighbor, Lexington voluntarily disenfranchised every citizen with a college degree or above. This allowed the population numbers to level out, and allow Louisville to appear to be the larger of the two.

More about Sally Christmas[edit]

Sally would ply the river backwaters on the backs of gators as she looked for people to beat at World of Warcraft.

More about Otis Daye[edit]

Otis is an immortal figure recently protrayed by Tim Allen in the film the Otis Clause. He appears and dissapears throughout the history of the north american continent. Currently he is helping open up the artic region to snowmobiles and jet skis to create the resort economy he loves so much. His Knights often accompany him in his quests, although, they may not be so quick to leave their tropical paradise of Nukayukavuk so quickly now that they have taken on penguin brides.

More about the 5/3rd rule[edit]

as a partial atonement for shappy treatment at the Bardstown St. Denny's, the Census Bureau allowed African Americans to be counted as 5/3rds of a person. Keeping track of all those extra thirds of people has started a cottage industry in the region. 5/3rd accounting offices flood the triangle formed by Louisville, Lexington and Cincinatti.

The big secret[edit]

I seriously doubt they will allow this information to be allowed to stay very long on the internet, so save this page immediately. The thought police have declared the census figures to be unwaivering and sampling error and methods, shall not be discussed.

rewrite these[edit]

Hipster[edit]

Well look. You finally found a page in the encyclopedia about you. Good job.

Wells Fargo: No hipsters there[edit]

Don't even bother going to Wells Fargo hoping to find a hipster. Won't happen.

Q: "Ahh but wait", you say, "my dad is wiring me money to buy the new Coachwhips album."

A: A true hipster would have stolen the album.

Things a hipster loves[edit]

  • Danger You may find hipsters flying explosive kites or photographing gents with mullets.
  • Obscurity
  • Sticking it to the man
  • The 70's


Nukayukavuk[edit]

Geographically, both a native province of Canada AND the northern province of Quebec. Duality made possible by Steve Jobs of PixApple Corpdation. Currently redeveloping it as a Cruise Ship stop. Populated primarily by Penguitian Women and the Muntineers of the HMS Stooge, the area is currently of interest due to climate change.