Philippines

From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Dapilipins shitting some more shit
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Philippines.

At the time of this writing, the entire Dapilipin archipelago is in the midst of being swallowed up by the love of God, because its population does nothing but complain their asses off when certain politicians don't do their their jobs. George W. Bush is said to have launched an atomic bomb into Antarctica in an attempt to raise water levels around the country. This was hoped to eventually end the Filipino diaspora to other countries, and American citizens would finally get a hold of their old jobs taken away from them.

Dapilipins is also known for its beaches. What's white in Dapilipins beaches isn't the sand, but the sea of Caucasian pigs who've settled there, turning every conceivable beach front into a "resort".With more smog particulates per cubic inch of air than any other major Asian capital, and with more San Miguel beer chuggers per capita, Manila is officially Asia's gutter slut. Unfortunately, no one has ever actually been to Manila, because no human being would ever actually want to live there.

Economy[edit]

Dapilipin Currency

Dapilipins' main exports are basically anything exported by Korea, China or any other Asian country. Dapilipins also export tapes of local disasters other collective woes (mostly related to poverty) to CNN, but CNN usually only gives a shit for a day.

To help combat the nation's widespread poverty, Dapilipins has implemented its two most powerful welfare systems called ABS-CBN and GMA. Outreach programs like "Wowowee" and "Eat...Bulaga!" give locals and The Filipino Channel subscribers hopes of fortune and 15 seconds of shout-out fame to keep their minds off the fact that there is virtually no food on their table.

Earlier in the 20th century, Dapilipins attempted to make itself stand out from the other Asian countries by emphasizing a thriving trade in hookers. They were doing great at first by kicking Singapore's ass, but their attempts proved to be futile when some guy decided to fuck up the 1935 Constitution. Thailand proved to have the better sex trade since their transgendered hookers do that ping-pong ball trick.