Plotonium

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Plotonium is one of the more idiosyncratic elements under the modern Idiotic Table of the Elements. If left unattended, Plotonium will often decay to form Chrysanthemum. However, there are several known ways to prevent this waste.

Chemical Properties[edit]

Plotonium, like other Onanistic elements, is highly unreactive. In most cases will only interact with itself. This metal is known to be highly magnetic, and items containing high concentrations of plotonium are naturally drawn to each other by coincidences which would otherwise be highly unlikely.it is also very good with pancakes.

Creation[edit]

Plotonium is known to be naturally produced in the blood-stream of some people. This is considered to be a genetic disorder, as evidenced by the fact that it is more likely to manifest in the youngest sons of inbred royal families. In addition, some types of mind-control are believed to produce plotonium as a by-product.

Historical Use[edit]

Plotonium has traditionally been used in the manufacture of magical swords. Its strength also makes it perfect for reinforcing secret underground bases. Plotonium bromides have also been found to make good ink, being highly smudge-resistant. However, the high cost means that these specialist tinctures are only normally used for drawing blueprints of the utmost importance, such as those for giant robots and doomsday devices.

Present Day Uses[edit]

In more recent times, a number of firms specialising in anime accessories have created cosmetics, especially hair wax, containing large quantities of the element. This is possibly advanced as the reason why characters with more complex hairstyles are correspondingly more likely to stumble across the plans of an evil villain, or to find an enchanted weapon, according to the principle of like attracts like.

In addition, the protective properties of plotonium have attracted a lot of research recently. It is now believed that as well as being unbreakable, a door made of plotonium will resist most heroes' clairvoyant and teleporting abilities until such time as the plot deems it appropriate for them to get through. Scientists are still conducting experiments to determine whether walls made of plotonium will exhibit the same properties.

Further experimentation has shown that plotonium can vary in strength for no apparent reason; for example, when two similar pieces of plotonium are exposed to the same explosion, one may shatter while the other does not. The only difference between the two is the hero using the unbroken one for cover.

Speculation[edit]

Some have theorised that the Stargate may also be made of plotonium. However, they don't want you to know that.