Cops on the Beat
The only way to avoid being pulled over by the police is to follow the fucking law, stop talking on your cellphone, stop texting on your cell phone, stop smoking pot while driving, stop eating and drinking while driving, go the speed limit, keep your eyes on the road, obey all traffic signals, and basically have your pants up.
You may also just try to avoid these 'pigs', because they always have the right of way, sex lights on or off. If you are making a legal right turn on red, and you stop a cop from speeding past the light to make the 3 o' clock doughnut special by using the road the correct way, begin unbuckling your pants and plead for a little bit of KY when those sex lights go on. In summary, all cops are gay for criminals. That is the second worst time you might run into a cop.
The worst possible way to run into a cop is on foot, because when you're on foot, you're not escaping them. They can smell your fear, and your pot, when they ride their bike up behind you, silent as a breeze. If by chance you do see a cop waving you down, please remember previous advice and have your pants unbuckled and around your ankles by the time they get there.
If you just came from the bakery, expect to have your biological terrorist weapons confiscated and tested by the force's best men. The ONLY time you're safe from a cop walking the beat is when you are in close vicinity of a doughnut shop, unless you're trashing that doughnut shop. If you are not round and have a large hole through the center of you, you are secondary to the glazed goodness behind the counter.