Powershot

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Sick S***

Powershot is the most potent energy drink known to mankind as well as one of Earth's major causes of death. Contained in a tiny 30ml plastic capsule, Powershot has killed more people world wide than tornados, hurricanes, and volcanoes combined. It is illegal in every country in the world except Chad. It contains 10ml of arsenic, 10ml of guarana, 5ml of malathyon, and 5ml of mercury. Rivaled only by Five Hour Energy, Powershot still holds the title as world deadliest beverage. Following ingestion your brain will be slowly devoured after ten minutes of extreme energy, and total paralyzation. It is created by the Shark Bite Corporation and to be consumed by adults only. The only known survivors of Powershot are Azazer and the Deb. Powershot can be found on the shelves of Spur* gas stations and at VON MAUR.

Shark Bite Corperation[edit]

Shark Bite Logo

Headed by founder and CEO King, Shark Bite to date has only created Powershot, but is in the process of making an even deadlier beverage. When this beverage hits the market it will officially claim the title as worlds most deadly substance. Unfortunately it won't be on the shelves until January 1, 3000, so its going to be a bit of a wait for all the eager customers out there. The beverage is unofficially called Redline, but it is still in its prototype phase. It is rumoured to be well over 40,000 times more potent than Powershot, but again, this is just a rumour. The corporation is funded by the Chad government and there are no labour or health laws administered at the production facility. The name Shark Bite originated from the first human test subject of Powershot. When the vile liquid first touched his lips he screamed out in sheer horror and supreme suffering, "IT FEELS WORSE THAN A F***ING SHARK BITING ME IN HALF!"

Deaths by Powershot[edit]

Many people like to have an optimistic outlook on Powershot, but the fact of the matter is that if you consume Powershot your brain will be devoured in a matter of minutes. The following is a direct quotation from a young boy named "Allan" who watched his best friend "Brick" die at the unforgiving cold hands of Powershot.

"I watched him buy the drink. $3.99, what a rip off. I said it wasn't worth it, I reminded him about his family, but he continued to hand the cashier, who happened to be named Deb, the money. We had heard about the deadly outcomes of Powershot. The devouring of the brain, the internal paralyzation of all organs, and ultimate death. Yet, like a man possesed he turned off the cap of the deadly vial, and in a quick swig he downed it. With a look of sheer joy on his face he said it tasted like fruit roll-up. That look quickly changed. It turned into a look of ultimate pain and agony. I watched his body wither and contort as he screamed out that it tasted like cough medicine. He then went on a bloody and violent rampage for ten minutes, destroying everything in his path. He finally came to rest in Litz Place. His face had a niacin flush. Blood gushed from his open eye sockets and poured like waterfalls of crimson liquid from his perfect ears. I will miss him dearly. But I cannot forgive him for his poor choice.”

Conclusion[edit]

In the words of the late Einstein:

Powershot+You=SupremeDeath

The second installment of energy beverages from the Shark Bite Corporation, Redline is expected to be the most deadly substance ever to grace the planet. Coming to VON MAUR and Spur* gas stations on January 1, 3000, Redline is still in its prototype phase. It will be contained in a 240ml (2fl oz) blue plastic bottle, and it is said to be 40,000 more times potent than its predecessor Powershot. The amount of arsenic in a single bottle of Redline is enough to kill the entire population of the Earth six times over.

Human Test Subject[edit]

An inside source from the Redline production facility in Chad tells us about its first human test subject. The following is a direct quotation from "Burt".

Hell in a Bottle

"I looked through the plexi-glass window at the young man strapped to the laboratory table. He had just been injected with a full bottle of Redline directly into his aorta. Faster than we expected, the effects of redline kicked in. In a bloody rage he tore himself free from the titanium restraints, and charged the window. I had only a moment to react, but I wasn't quick enough. He clipped my shoulder, tearing it off, leaving a bloody stump. He then continued on his rampage breaking through everything in his path, including hundreds of ten foot thick concrete walls. I was later told that his rage lasted just over five minutes, but to me it felt like an eternity. Finally he stopped, and breathing heavily, he swelled up to gigantic proportions. His muscle mass increased by 1000% in just over 3 milliseconds. My first thought was to get the fuck outta there. I sprinted will all my might when from behind me came a thunderous bang, as the patient imploded upon himself. I was showered in bloody flesh and tissue. I fell to the ground stunned. Somehow I had the heart to turn around and gaze upon the destruction the patient had caused. I looked back and my eyes took in a sight that they will never forget. The entire plant had been leveled. The walls and ground were covered in crimson. I was later told that everybody within a two kilometer radius had been completely eviscerated. I love Shark Bite, but I cannot accept the fact that they have created such a deadly substance."

Even King himself was astounded by the potency of Redline. After witnessing what it did to the first test subject he simply said that "this sh*t fu*ks you up, big time".

Shark Bite Logo

Shark Bite is the most advanced liquid-toxin producer in the world and has won several awards for maintaining and combining great taste with a high death toll among consumers. The name Shark Bite originated from the first human test subject of Powershot. When the vile liquid first touched his lips he screamed out in sheer horror and supreme suffering, "IT FEELS WORSE THAN A F***ING SHARK BITING ME IN HALF!" Shark Bite produces only one beverage at the moment, and that is Powershot. It comes in two colours, blue and red, comparable to the tint of blood. On page 666 of the Guinness Book of records, an accurate and thorough description of Shark Bite's history as a mass murdering and great tasting energy drink producer can be found.

A myth has circulated regarding Shark Bite is being run by the Chad government in their Three Brothers Danger Islands laboratory and those myths are 100% correct, this product is being run by King himself. Though the rumour of him spitting into every 10th drink is completely ridiculous and false by all means. He spits in every 2nd drink.

  • Shark Bite is a registered trademark of Chad/Shark Bite encorporated.

Other Products[edit]

  • Redline is the second installment of lethal energy drink produced by the Shark Bite Corperation. Coming on January 1, 3000, it is sure to turn planet Earth upside down in chaos and supreme suffering.
  • Powershot is the original killing chemical machine produced by Shark Bite on January 1, 2000. For nearly seven years, Powershot has been torturing helpless humans while Shark Bite continues to try and perfect the product. Today, the current chemical breakdown of the substance is 10ml arsenic, 10ml gurana, 5ml of malathion, and 5 ml of mercury. Anyone who dares to even inhale the poison will immediately be terminated through internal parallelization or devouring of the brain.

Production Facility and Regulations[edit]

The Shark Bite plant is located on Three Brothers Danger Islands ( District of Chad ) and has never been seen by any human eyes other than the chemists and deathologists that work there. Workers live on site for their entire lives starting from infants to their senior years. Immediately after birth, infant workers are injected with a
Hell City Division
small amount of Powershot. This lethal injection causes the child to increase in size by 100x, which classifies the term 35 Year Old Baby. The laboratory itself is surrounded by over 100, 10 foot thick concrete walls, which until a recent Redline test were never destroyed. No worker has ever seen the outdoors, and desire to leave the plant is grounds for execution. Currently no labor, health, or humanity laws are made at the plant, so workers are forced to work what they beleive are 35 hour days with one minute of sleep. All ingredients used are made on site in the "hell city" department. King's favorite song, Sinfonia can be heard echoing through out the dark corridors of Hell City. It is said that the sick tune works as a hypnopædic sound, causing all works to increase productivity by 1000%. There are rumors that in the near future there will be a press release from CEO King regarding such activities.

Sick Tune: Sinfonia

MUD-3000[edit]

Within hell city lies the ultimate machine, MUD-3000. This behemoth of a machine is said to run on Spur* Super Octane gas with rumors of possible experiments by Shark Bite to use their own products as a fuel. It has multiple purposes. It is used to extract to highly potent toxins used in Shark Bite products from the thick Three Brothers Danger Islands soil. Also, it is used to kill any trespassers as well as disgruntled employees with it's blade which alone weighs twice as much as Wyoming .

MUD-3000

MUD-3000 Machine of Ultimate Death - (Number of Victims)] is a prototype toxin extractor and killing machine used by the Shark Bite Corporation.

MUD-3000

MUD-3000 lies deep within the "Hell City" division of Shark Bite's Three Brothers Danger Island factory. It's original purpose was to extract the toxins commonly used in Shark Bite products from the thick Three Brothers Danger Islands soil. However, it is said that the potent chemicals that the machine harvests have given it a demonic will 1000x more demonic than that of HAL 9000. This has caused it to immediately destroy any trespassers or disgruntled Shark Bite employees with its blade that weighs twice as much as Wyoming. Designed by King in the early 1980's its design was inspired by the Man's Factory. While the origin of the name is clearly an acronym, it's real meaning has been disputed. Some people say that the name comes from a famous line from one of King's favourite fables. The line goes, "Frenchcavemen used to cover their bodies with mud 3000 years ago".

Scary Shit

Means of Operation[edit]

MUD-3000, along with HAL 9000, is one of only two man made machines in the world to have its own conscience. It requires no human operation whatsoever. It is said to be fueled by only the purest Spur* Super Octane gas, which can be found only at Spur* gas stations, but there are recent reports that Shark Bite has been experimenting with its own products, Powershot and Redline, as a possible fuel. These tests have been making some a lot of headway in recent months, but so far the combination of Powershot and MUD-3000 has proven too powerful. During one of the tests MUD-3000 malfunctioned and broke free of its hell city prison. It went on a wicked rampage across Africa and Europe. It was eventually stopped, but unfortunately it had already completely decimated the country of Czech Slovakia, cutting it in half, creating the Czech Republic and Slovakia.