Ralph Nader

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ralph Nader.

Unmusical at any sound!

~ Ralph Nader on Tamia
Ralph Nader, activist and presidential candidate, tired out after a successful run for President

Ralph Nader is a political activist who pulled his way up from the East-Side projects of Winstead, Connecticut to become a prominent right-wing politician. Known for his Machiavellian treachery, he runs as an extreme leftist in order to draw votes away from more moderate liberal candidates, thus sabotaging their campaigns.

Most noted for his heated, no-holds-barred rhetoric, his speeches, lectures, and political rallies are often attended by as many as two dozen people at any given time. Among his most famous speeches is "Me name be Ralph Nader. Me gonna make an appeal. Homies, save the rainforest. Aiii? Keep it real." [1]

Literary Career[edit]

To demonstrate the dangers of airbags, Ralph Nader famously broke the neck of this three year old girl with one on national television.

In 1965, Nader wrote the famous book Unsafe at Any Non-Zero Relative Velocity, a treatise on the faulty design of the McDonnell-Douglas A-7 Corsair. It tended to understeer at mach 3.5, causing a crash in June of 1963. He also complained of the chrome-plated windshield-wiper arms which could conceivably blind pilots, potentially causing them to shoot missiles at the wrong Ayatollah.

Nader continued to increase his notoriety through a long career of sabotaging left-wing causes through best-selling books, such as ACLU, Too Conservative For Your Dollar ( 1976 ), PETA Didn't Stand Up For This Seal ( 1981 ), Wind Farms: Bird Killing Machines ( 1983 ), and The Nation, Right-Wing Rag ( 1989 ).

Presidential Candidacies[edit]

In 2000, Nader received the Green Party nomination for the Presidency. His "Both Parties Are The Same Even Though They Vote the Opposite" campaign strategy was immensely successful, garnering more votes than pacific salmon have bicycles ( salmon and bicycles both being rare due to Nader's The Boon of Hydroelectric Power ( 1985 ) and Two-Wheeled Deathtraps ( 1994 ) ).

Later that year, nadering entered widespread use as a euphemism for "working against your own interests." Some examples of common usage:

  • "Didn't I warn you about playing with B-B guns? Just look at your eye! Oh, I guess you can't look, can you, since it's gone now! You've nadered yourself, are you satisfied?"
  • "Mr. Wilkins, remember how I said that if we outsourced our entire IT Department, we'd get into some real trouble once the Indians and Chinese started raising their hourly rates? Well, looks like our asses are totally nadered."

Nader gets that crazed look in his eye as he prepares to sink his dagger into the neck of Center for Science in the Public Interest leader Michael Jacobsen

In 2004, rumors spread that Nader was again on the presidential ballot; while this has never been confirmed, his lack of political support that year led to a steep decline in the use of the euphemism "nadering" in favor of the phrase "marriage is a sacred institution." ( Usage example: "Didn't I tell you the other kids would beat you up for trying to keep them from torturing those kittens? Marriage is a sacred institution!" )

Personal Life[edit]

In his free time, Nader enjoys finding things not funny, and sitting in a hard-backed chair staring straight ahead for hours at a time while wearing a business suit. Rumors circulating during the 2000 presidential campaign that Nader once had a recognizably human relationship with another person were later revealed to be an urban legend.

People Who Voted For Ralph Nader[edit]

Ralph Nader



See Also[edit]