Rapid Baptists

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Rapid Baptists. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.


Rapid Baptists are Baptists famous for their very quick manner of speaking. The Holy Scripture has alleged reports that Rapid Baptists would recite the entire Bible in fourteen seconds. The Rapid Baptists would then flee, and the listener would be hit by a sonic boom.

Basically, Rapid Baptists are like jets.

Are you getting this?

To further confuse you, the name Rapid Baptist is also given to a species of Christians who inhabit the white-water rapids of the Amazon River in China.

If you get bit by a rabid baptist, you will develop Hydrophobia.