“Holy crap!!! It's like 9/11 all over again!!!”
“I have one of those in my pants.”
“I WANT THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' FUEL, OFF THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' ROCKET!!!”
“I got my ass crucified for you, and this is the shitload you come up with?!?”
“I don't want to argue with you! Your mom already has menopause, and her damn mood-swings are enough to deal with. Why don't you go and hang with your 12 bitches...I-I mean Apostles?”
“Screw this- I'm gonna go put my image on some toast.”
Invention That Revolutionized the Toy Industry
Some call it the Boomer. Others may say the Golden Eagle. But people who are normal and not weird, rocket obsessed douche bags call it the Toy Rocket. Invented by Raptor Jesus, the Toy Rocket was patented and sold to Hasbro for the price of the company's soul, but it had already been sold to Sesame Street for "Tickle Me Elmo". From it's beginnings on September 21, 2001, there have been nearly 4 billion Toy Rockets sold.
“This pile of shit is ruining the environment. SHININZU! SHININZU!”
~ Captain Planet on Toy Rocket
“It's the best thing since C4's and underage virgins!”
~ Osama Bin Laden on Toy Rocket
Many people really do have different opinions on this toy. The Toy Rocket's sole purpose is to be the purest form of entertainment- destruction. I mean look at 9/11. Did Al-Qaeda fly into those Jenga! blocks for Muslim radicalism, or because it would be funny if it ended up on the news? Or did Dick Cheney shoot that deer who later turned out to be a person because he was George Dubya Bush's bitch or because it was an effin' hilarious practical joke? All that is trying to get past here is that the Rocket, like any other toy, is there for fun.
In recent years, the Toy Rocket has faced competitors that nearly crippled the business for such toys. In mid-2006 the new Hello Kitty Hit n' Run Toy Car was introduced to the market. With the capability to run over even the most morbidly obese people, primarily Americans, the new product from Hello Kitty nearly suicide-bombed the shit out of the Toy Rocket. Only until the lead-paint recall and the death toll of 13 people from SARS, Hello Kitty's Hit n' Run Car would've of overcame the Toy Rocket, but apparently the Rocket, like anyone living in East Los Angeles, drove by Hello Kitty's house and cane-whacked that bitch, making her his ho.